Hi everyone — it’s Jas.
Today feels like one of those days where anxiety sits right in the center of my chest… not enough to stop me, but enough to make every inhale feel heavier. And yet, like most days, I still got up, tied my hair back, took a sip of my matcha, and walked into clinic with a quiet promise to myself:
“Show up — even if you’re struggling.”
As a Filipina Nurse Practitioner caring for communities I deeply identify with — people navigating HIV medicine, gender care, immigrant experiences, and all the quiet complexities of being different in this world — I’ve learned to hold many stories at once.
Some days that responsibility feels inspiring.
Other days, it feels like a weight I worry I can’t carry.
Today was one of those heavier days.
When Anxiety Follows You Into the Exam Room
My morning started with that familiar tightening in my stomach — no obvious trigger, just the usual whisper of self-doubt that can show up uninvited.
But then my first patient walked in — someone I’ve followed for years. They sat down and said softly:
“I’m glad it’s you today. I can breathe a little easier when you’re here.”
And something in my chest loosened.
Moments like this remind me why I keep showing up, even when my mind feels shaky:
because connection is medicine, trust is medicine, and being seen — truly seen — is medicine.
The Diary Part — My Lunch Break Note to Myself
I opened my notes app while eating cold lumpia at my desk.
This is what I wrote:
“Jas, you are allowed to pause.
You are allowed to feel anxious.
But please remember how far you’ve come.
A Filipina from a working-class upbringing, now caring for patients in primary care, HIV medicine, and gender-affirming health.
You carry stories with tenderness.
You make people feel safe.
Breathe — what you’re doing matters.”
I used to wish I could flip a switch and silence anxiety entirely.
But maybe the truth is: I don’t have to erase it.
I just have to learn to navigate it with grace.
Showing Up for Patients… and for Myself
Today, I showed up for:
✨ My patients living with HIV, who trust me with the most intimate parts of their lives.
✨ People seeking gender-affirming care, who deserve compassionate, nonjudgmental support.
✨ Immigrant families, who remind me of home and the strength of my own parents.
✨ Community members who tell me I make them feel understood, without having to explain every detail of their identity or experience.
✨ And myself, because showing up — even imperfectly — is still showing up.
If You’re Reading This & You Navigate Anxiety Too
Here’s something I remind myself almost every day:
Your anxiety does not erase your goodness.
Your self-doubt does not diminish your impact.
You are allowed to be both healing and helping at the same time.
Some days we walk into clinic with confidence.
Some days we walk in with trembling hands.
Both versions are worthy.
Both versions are real.
And both versions make a difference.
Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner 
Leave a comment