Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner

January 13, 2026
Being Lost, Overthinking, and Learning How to Trust

Hey everyone. Good morning.
Today is January 13th, 2026, and it’s another beautiful day to be gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.

I’m really lost, you guys.

I don’t know what to do.
And yet… I feel like I do know what to do.
Maybe I’ll figure it out.
Come on.

This morning started quietly—making breakfast, moving slowly, trying to ground myself before the day began. Work was long. The kind of day filled with answering messages, returning phone calls, ordering labs and imaging. The kind of day where your brain doesn’t stop, even when your body is begging it to.

We didn’t get to do a diary during lunch today.
So here we are—after work, going for a walk.
Finally breathing.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really anxious.

The physical symptoms are back—the nausea, the vomiting, that familiar tightness that lives somewhere between my chest and my throat. My body has a way of communicating with me when my mind refuses to slow down. And right now, it’s telling me something very clearly: you need to take care of your anxiety.

I know this already.
I knew it last month too.

In December, I talked about investing time into therapy… and I kind of failed at that. Again. Timing didn’t work. Scheduling didn’t work. Life happened. But now that these symptoms are resurfacing, I can’t ignore it anymore. I’m trying—trying to coordinate therapy again, trying to listen instead of pushing through.

I’m still on my medications, though I’ll be honest—I haven’t been as consistent as I should be. I’m working on that now. Taking them daily. Reintroducing my as-needed meds to see if they help with the nausea, the anxiety, the spiraling thoughts.

What’s hard is knowing what’s causing the anxiety.

I know the environment I’m in is part of it.
I know it deep down.

And yet, I’m still trying so hard to exist within it. To show up. To have purpose. To continue doing the work that gives my life meaning. In many ways, these videos—the diaries—have given me purpose. They’ve become my outlet. My way of understanding myself in real time.

But sometimes I wonder if everything in my life actually aligns anymore.

I know where I want to go.
I just don’t know if it’s possible yet.
Or if I’m just afraid to admit that something needs to change.

Part of me has accepted it.
Part of me is still in denial.
Part of me still wants to keep trying.
Still wants to keep showing up.

And maybe that’s okay.

This is me—no script, no plan—just walking, talking, reflecting, with my little dots beside me. These videos help me organize my thoughts, even when they’re messy. Even when I don’t have answers. I know it would help to have an outsider—someone to help me see how these thoughts are building, how they’re affecting me, what my options are.

I’m trying to get there.

Today’s reflection is short, but it’s honest. I almost didn’t make a video today. But I made a commitment—to show up every day, even on the days I feel lost. Especially on those days.

So here I am.
Still showing up.

Sometimes it’s enough to just get fresh air. To step outside after being indoors all day. To walk with this little cutie who reminds me to slow down, to breathe, to be present.

Maybe trusting the universe doesn’t mean having clarity.
Maybe it just means continuing to walk forward—even when you don’t know where the path leads.

Thank you for being here.
Wish me luck.
Send me good vibes.

I love you. 🤍