Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner

January 14, 2026

Hi everyone.
Good morning.

Today is January 14th, 2026—and it’s another beautiful day to be gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

I’m on my rainbow ride to work this morning, trying to ground myself before the day begins. These drives have become a space for reflection, for checking in with how I’m actually feeling instead of how I think I should feel.

Lately, my anxiety has been creeping back in. Quiet at first. Then louder. And over the past few days, it’s started to feel like it’s edging toward panic again.

When Anxiety Turns Into Panic

I know my anxiety well. I can feel it in my body before my mind catches up. The warmth. The sweating. The palpitations. That sudden sense that something is wrong—even when nothing is wrong.

Today, after lunch, it happened.

Around 12:30, I returned to the office and felt it all at once. My heart started racing. I felt hot and clammy. My thoughts spiraled faster than I could slow them down. I tried breathing. I tried logic. I tried telling myself, You’re okay.

But sometimes, none of that works.

And that’s the hardest part to admit.

Doing Your Best—And Still Struggling

I’m trying. Truly.

I’m working full-time. I’m showing up for my patients. I’m taking my medications (or at least trying to be more consistent). I’m actively trying to reconnect with therapy, even though scheduling feels impossible right now.

And yet—here I am.

Still anxious. Still panicking. Still overthinking.

I think we don’t talk enough about how painful it is to be doing everything “right” and still feel like you’re barely holding it together. It makes you question yourself. It makes you wonder if you’re failing somehow.

But I’m learning that struggling doesn’t mean I’m failing. It means I’m human.

The Unknown Is What Scares Me Most

If I’m being honest, a lot of my anxiety is rooted in uncertainty.

Not knowing what comes next.
Not knowing if the decisions I’m considering are the right ones.
Not knowing where I’ll land if I take that leap of faith I keep thinking about.

I know what I want.
I know what my heart is asking for.
But knowing doesn’t always make choosing easier.

So I stay in the planning phase. I plant seeds. I hint. I talk around it. I hope clarity will just arrive one day fully formed.

And when it doesn’t, my anxiety fills in the silence.

Why I Keep Showing Up Anyway

These diaries—these videos, these reflections—they’ve become a form of therapy for me.

They’re quiet.
They’re meditative.
They’re a way for me to hear myself think.

I don’t fully watch them back. I don’t over-edit them. I just show up and speak, because there’s something healing about being witnessed—even if it’s by strangers.

It may look lonely. It may look like I’m talking to myself.

But I’m talking to you.
And sometimes, that makes all the difference.

What I’m Doing After the Panic Attack

After work, I walked. Slowly. With Dots. Breathing in the cool air. Letting my body remember that I’m safe now.

Here’s what I’m reminding myself tonight:

• I need to be more consistent with my medications
• I need to use my as-needed supports when I need them
• I need rest—not guilt for needing rest
• I need patience with myself

My vacation is coming. February is coming. A reset is coming—even if it feels far away right now.

For now, I’m taking it one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time.

If You’re Reading This and Relating

If you’ve had a panic attack and don’t know what to do next—please know this:

You’re not broken.
You’re not weak.
You’re not behind.

It’s okay to not be okay.
It’s okay if your best doesn’t look perfect.
It’s okay if you’re still figuring it out.

I’m crying—but at least I’m pretty.
I’m anxious—but I’m still here.
I’m uncertain—but I’m trying.

And right now, that’s enough.

Another beautiful day to be gorgeous.
Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

🤍