Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner

Anxiety, Love, & Wanting a Simpler Life | Mental Health Diary Before My Philippines Trip

January 16, 2026

Hi everyone.
Good morning.

Today is January 16th, 2026—and it’s another beautiful day to be gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

It’s Friday. Happy Friday, you guys.

We’re on our Whimo ride to work this morning, easing into the day. These rides have become a soft landing for me—a place where I can talk things out before the world asks anything of me.

Checking In Before the Day Begins

Last night, I caught up with JR, and it was really nice. I made the intention to see him this week because I’m not sure how much time I’ll have in the next couple of weeks before my flight to the Philippines. It felt grounding to reconnect with someone who knows my story—all of it, even the messy parts.

I also called my mom yesterday. She’s been watching my videos, and she sees that I’ve been anxious. Hearing her acknowledge that—and still say she’s okay with the idea of going back to the Philippines—gave me so much relief. I planted the idea gently, and now she’s actually thinking about it as a possibility.

That matters more than she probably knows.

I want to make sure I can sustain it—for both of us. So I’m still saving. Still planning. Still trying to imagine what work could look like there. Maybe an online job. Maybe something completely separate from my nurse practitioner role. I don’t know yet.

But I’m letting myself dream.

Medication, Boundaries, and Being Human

Yesterday was hard. I was anxious—but I took my medications. And because of that, I didn’t spiral into a panic attack. That feels important to name.

It’s a reminder that my medications are working. That I need to be consistent. That I need to care for myself the way I encourage others to.

I’ve also been taking gabapentin at night, which has helped me sleep. I actually got about eight hours last night, and that alone changed the tone of my morning.

I’ll admit—I wasn’t perfect. I had a glass of wine last night, even though I know I’m not supposed to drink while on my meds. I felt it this morning. I’ve always been a lightweight, but even more so now.

Still, it was nice to sit with someone familiar. Someone who knows my history. Someone who’s seen me in my worst and stayed.

Friendships That Hold You Through Change

JR is one of those people. He’s seen most versions of me—the good, the lost, the overwhelmed, the hopeful. We talked about our distant year, the time when I was in my “Dulu era,” and how somehow we still found our way back to each other.

That kind of friendship is rare. It’s a sisterhood. One I’ll always treasure.

We also talked about RK.

That conversation was harder.

Honoring Disappointment Without Rushing Healing

I deeply care about RK. That hasn’t changed. But I’m hurt. I’m disappointed. And there hasn’t been good communication between us.

How do you fix something when neither person feels safe enough to be fully vulnerable?

I take accountability for my part in that. I know I struggle to open up to him. Sometimes I feel judged—or maybe that’s my own protective mechanism kicking in. I don’t know.

What I do know is this: we’re on separate journeys right now.

While I want to walk alongside him—and I wish he could walk alongside me—I don’t think our paths are aligned at this moment. That’s painful to admit. But naming it feels honest.

Time might heal it. Or it might not.

And for now, I’m choosing not to force optimism when what I really need is space to grieve what isn’t working.

Dreaming of a Simpler Life

What keeps pulling me forward is the vision I keep returning to.

Living in the Philippines with my mom.
A simpler life.
More peace.
More presence.

When my mom said, “Let’s just do it,” something softened in me. It reassured me that things will be okay—because they always have been when she’s around.

We didn’t have much when we first moved to the U.S. She didn’t even have a job at first. And yet—we were okay. Look at where I am now.

So maybe this is my turn.
Not even a sacrifice—but a shared dream.

I still have nine months of student loans to pay off. That’s real. That’s grounding. That’s part of why I’m waiting. But nine months will pass quickly.

And when the time comes, I’ll know.

Ending the Week Gently

We’re heading home now. It’s Friday. We reflected at the park during lunch. The day was long, but it was good.

It’s a three-day weekend—MLK weekend—so I won’t be back on-site until Wednesday. That feels like a gift.

Lately, I’ve been manifesting. Not in a rushed way—but in a hopeful, quiet way. Imagining how to make this next chapter possible. Imagining peace.

I’m tired.
I’m still anxious.
But I’m excited.

I’m excited for my trip.
I’m excited for rest.
I’m excited for what’s coming—even if I don’t know exactly what it looks like yet.

Slow, deep breaths.
We have time.

And for now, that’s enough. 🤍