Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner

January 15, 2026

Hi everyone.
Good morning.

Today is January 15th, 2026—and it’s another beautiful day to be gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

We’re on our rainbow ride to work this morning. These drives have become a small ritual for me—a moment to breathe, to check in with myself, and to speak honestly before the day begins.

I love you guys. Truly. I know there are maybe seven of you who actually watch my YouTube videos—my mom, my brother, my aunt, and a few others—but even that feels meaningful. It reminds me that I’m not invisible, even on days when I feel lost.

Anxiety That Lives in the Body

I’m still anxious today. I know why the anxiety is here. I can feel it before I can explain it.

This morning, my partner told me I was talking in my sleep a few nights ago—something about security and heart monitors. Hearing that stopped me in my tracks. It made me realize that my body is still holding onto things I thought I had already processed.

I think the anxiety from working in the ICU is revisiting me. Trauma doesn’t always leave quietly. Sometimes it waits until life slows down just enough to be heard.

Physically, it’s showing up again:

• nausea
• vomiting
• palpitations
• feeling hot and flushed

Not that kind of hot—although, yes, I know I’m hot—but the uncomfortable kind that comes with panic.

Trying to Be a Better Patient

I’ll be honest: I haven’t been great about taking my medications consistently. I know better. I work in healthcare. But when you’re the patient, things feel different.

Today, I took my meds. I’m trying to be more intentional about caring for myself the way I would care for someone else. I’m trying to be a better patient.

I keep asking myself:

• How do other people deal with anxiety?
• Does it ever really go away?
• Does it stay until you make the decision you’re avoiding?
• How much of this is my body trying to tell me something?

When Overthinking Comes From Wanting to Live

I worked so hard to be where I am.

Hard enough that 2022 and 2023 were some of the darkest moments of my life. I’m proud of myself for surviving that. I’m proud that I made it to the other side. I’m grateful for this second chance at life.

But now that I know what rock bottom feels like, I think I overthink everything. I want to be sure I’m choosing the right path. I want to be sure I’m living a life that feels aligned—one that’s calling me, not just one that looks good on paper.

And the truth is: I know what that life is.

I hear it.
I’ve talked about it.
I’ve imagined it.
I’ve tried to make it sustainable in every possible way.

So I have to ask myself—are these anxiety symptoms trying to tell me something?

Are they saying:
Girl, it’s time. Trust yourself. Take the leap.

Because if that’s the case… why am I still choosing against it?

Feeling Lost, But Still Here

That’s where this feeling of being lost comes from. Not because I don’t know what I want—but because I’m scared of choosing it.

I wonder sometimes if moving to the Philippines would bring clarity, or if I’m just hoping distance will quiet the noise. Even saying it out loud makes me anxious. Am I oversharing? Am I revealing too much too soon?

Part of me is relieved that not many people are watching right now. My other channel didn’t feel safe. I don’t know who was watching or why. That uncertainty made me shrink instead of expand.

So here I am again—smaller audience, quieter space, but more honest.

Still Showing Up

I’m almost at work now. I’m taking slow, deep breaths. I’m reminding myself that I’m safe.

We’ll see if I can do some lunchtime diaries later. It’s going to be a busy day, but I’ll try to check in again when I can.

For now, this is me showing up—even with anxiety.
Even with questions.
Even without answers.

I’m still anxious.
But at least I’m pretty.

Have a good day, you guys.
I love you. 🤍