March 23, 2026
Good afternoon, everyone.
Today’s lunchtime diary feels a little more honest, a little more raw. I spent some time doing breathing exercises, trying to ground myself, because anxiety has been quietly lingering in the background. And if I’m being real with myself… I think what I’m struggling with most right now is surrender.
I’ve said it before—surrender is the cure. But knowing that and actually living it are two very different things.
Naming What I’m Feeling
Right now, I feel stuck.
I’ve been trying to figure out my YouTube monetization, specifically my AdSense account, and I’ve hit a wall. I’ve followed the recommendations, watched countless videos, tried troubleshooting for days—but nothing seems to move forward.
At this point, the reality is simple:
- I need to reactivate the AdSense account I originally applied with
- I have to wait 21 days for payment details to reset
- And possibly 32 days before I can reapply if needed
There’s nothing more I can do.
And I think that’s the hardest part—accepting that I’ve done everything I can, and now… I just have to wait.
The Practice of Letting Go
This is where surrender comes in.
Not giving up—but releasing control over outcomes I can’t force.
I’ve been wanting to be monetized for a long time, and now that I’ve finally qualified, it feels so close… yet just out of reach. It’s frustrating. It brings up anxiety. It makes me want to fix it, solve it, do something.
But maybe this moment isn’t about doing.
Maybe it’s about trusting.
Choosing a Life That Feels True
Even in the uncertainty, I keep coming back to this quiet thought:
What if this is still leading me exactly where I’m meant to go?
I imagine a life where I can travel with my mom, create content, and continue sharing my journey—encouraging others to live authentically, to find freedom, healing, and happiness in their own way.
And I realize… I’m already building that life.
I’ve created a platform.
I’m sharing my voice.
I’m connecting with people who resonate.
That in itself is something I once only dreamed about.
Creating as Healing
One thing I know for sure—creating has always been my outlet.
Lately, I’ve been leaning into that more:
- Filming yoga videos
- Spending time gardening
- Exploring new hobbies
- Documenting my growth
I recently launched my Patreon, and I’m genuinely so grateful for the support. It means more than I can fully express. I’ve decided to keep certain parts of my journey—like my yoga practice—more intimate and exclusive for those who truly want to be part of that space.
It’s not about limiting access. It’s about protecting energy.
A New Era: Slowing Down
I’m about to turn 38, and this chapter of my life feels different.
The past 37 years were about survival.
Meeting expectations.
Proving my worth.
But this era?
This is the era of slowing down.
Of choosing myself.
Of exploring who I really am—without pressure, without timelines.
It’s beautiful… and also terrifying.
Because with exploration comes uncertainty. And with uncertainty comes fear. But for the first time, I also feel a sense of agency—like I’m finally living in alignment with what I truly want.
Small Joys & Simple Moments
After all that reflection, I found myself just sitting in the sun today.
Eating a strawberry KitKat from Japan (thanks to my brother in Okinawa 🍓), feeling the warmth on my skin, letting the day be simple.
Sometimes healing looks like that too.
Just being.
Looking Ahead
I’m leaving for Hawaii this Saturday, and I’m really excited. I’ll be creating and sharing more during the trip—hopefully capturing moments that feel real and meaningful.
Even with little stressors like running out of storage space or figuring out content logistics, I’m reminding myself: it’s all part of the process.
Not everything has to be perfect.
Closing Thoughts
Today, I’m practicing surrender.
Not perfectly. Not gracefully. But intentionally.
Letting go of what I can’t control.
Trusting the timing of things.
And allowing myself to exist in this in-between space.
If you’re feeling stuck too—just know you’re not alone in that feeling.
We’re all figuring it out, one moment at a time.
Go outside. Touch the grass. Breathe.
It’s still a beautiful day to be here.
— Jasmine 🤍
Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner 
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