A Slow Start to a Busy Day
Good morning 🤍 Today is my admin day — my Miss APC day — which means I’m covering inboxes for multiple physicians here in San Francisco. There are three of us watching the inbox, responding to patient messages, reviewing refill requests, and returning calls. My morning just started, and I’m currently having my coffee. I already checked my inbox and responded to all my patient calls and messages. Of course, more will come in throughout the day, but for now I’ve moved on to reviewing other physicians’ inboxes. This is what my Tuesdays usually look like — structured, routine, and in between tasks, I find myself watching YouTube videos.
Creating Without Perfection
I’m not entirely sure what I wanted to talk about today. I know I’ve been creating more content around being a nurse practitioner — sharing tips about healthcare maintenance, vaccinations, PrEP, and cortisol levels. I don’t know if you guys enjoy those types of videos. I know my production value isn’t high since it’s just me doing everything, but at the same time, I didn’t start this to be perfect. I started because this is something I’ve always wanted to do, and this is me trying. I watch a lot of YouTube videos myself, and while part of me wishes I could be more creative or artistic, I’ve also been learning to appreciate the rawness and authenticity of the content I’m drawn to.
The videos I’ve been watching lately are far from polished.
They’re quiet glimpses of life in the Philippines —
people tending to their gardens, raising chickens and goats, building small businesses, growing their own food.
Living with intention.
Living simply.
And something about that life speaks to me in a way I can’t ignore.
Because while I love caring for patients, there’s a weight that comes with practicing medicine —
insurance companies, bureaucracy, systems that make it harder to simply care.
And sometimes I wonder…
What would life look like if it were just… simpler?
A Growing Desire for Simplicity
Lately, I’ve been watching simple daily life videos from people in the Philippines — people growing their own food, tending gardens, raising chickens and goats, starting small businesses, and living with intention. There’s something about that kind of life that speaks to me deeply. I think part of me wants that for myself — a slower, simpler life, away from bureaucracy. As much as I love caring for patients, it can be difficult practicing medicine when there are so many barriers, especially dealing with insurance companies and systems that limit how freely we can care for people.
Letting Go of Control
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to live my truth, and honestly, making these videos feels like a step in that direction. In the past, I was always concerned about how others perceived me. I was afraid of failure, afraid of things not going my way, and constantly trying to control outcomes. For most of my life — all 37 years of it — I’ve tried to manage everything in hopes of creating a better, more perfect life. And while that mindset brought me to where I am today, I’m realizing that it’s also something I’m ready to let go of.
Life isn’t about everything going according to plan. It’s a process. It’s unpredictable. It’s messy. And I think what matters more is how we respond to it. Lately, I’ve been choosing peace over reaction. It’s not easy, especially when control has been my default for so long, but I’m learning.
I’ve spent so much of my life trying to control everything.
My path.
My outcomes.
My version of a “perfect” life.
For 37 years, I’ve tried to plan, manage, and shape everything into something better.
And yes — that mindset brought me here.
But I’m realizing now…
it’s also something I’m ready to release.
Because life isn’t meant to be perfectly planned.
It’s a process.
A roller coaster.
A box of chocolates — unpredictable, messy, surprising.
And lately, I’ve been choosing something different:
Peace over reaction.
The Hydroplaning Lesson
I think of it like hydroplaning — when your car starts sliding in the rain, you don’t fight it. You let it flow until you regain control. The more you resist, the worse it gets. And I think life works the same way. For so long, I’ve been resisting what is, but now I’m learning to allow things to unfold.
The best way I can describe it is this:
When you’re driving in the rain and your car starts to hydroplane —
you don’t fight it.
You don’t panic and jerk the wheel.
You let it flow until you regain control.
Because the more you fight it, the worse it gets.
And I think… that’s how life is too.
For so long, I’ve been fighting the current.
Now, I’m learning to move with it.
Returning to Faith, On My Own Terms
Part of that journey has also been reconnecting with my faith. I grew up Catholic and used to lead the rosary with my family, which I was really proud of. But over time, especially during my college years at UC Berkeley, I began questioning institutions and the way religion was sometimes intertwined with politics. I remember attending a Christmas mass where political issues were being discussed during the sermon, and it didn’t sit right with me. That was when I started to distance myself.
Now, I’m finding my way back — not in the same way, but in a way that feels aligned with who I am today. For me, faith is about purpose and trusting that there is something greater guiding my life. My mom is visiting this weekend, and I’m actually looking forward to going to church with her. It’s something I’ve been hesitant to do alone, but I feel ready to take that step again.
Another part of my journey lately has been reconnecting with God.
I grew up Catholic.
I remember leading the rosary with my family — something I was so proud of.
But over time, I distanced myself.
Part of it came from questioning institutions — especially during my time at UC Berkeley, where I learned to see the world differently. To question, to challenge, to think critically.
I remember sitting in church during a Christmas mass, hearing political messaging tied into the sermon… and something in me disconnected.
Since then, I’ve carried my own beliefs —
beliefs in equality, in compassion, in letting people live their truth.
And now, I’m finding my way back — not to religion as an institution, but to faith as something personal.
For me, God is:
A sense of purpose.
A higher plan.
A quiet reassurance that there is something better meant for me.
My mom is visiting this weekend, and for the first time in a while, I feel ready to go back to church — not out of obligation, but out of openness.
Why I Started YouTube
I started making videos in June simply wanting to document my life, but it has turned into something much deeper. It’s become a space for reflection, for processing, and for understanding myself. I’ve talked about losing friends and how that experience taught me about authenticity — how we sometimes perform to be liked, only to realize that even then, people can still walk away. That realization pushed me to stop performing and start showing up as I truly am.
I started making videos in June.
At first, it was just about documenting my life.
But it became so much more than that.
It became a space for reflection.
For honesty.
For growth.
I’ve talked about loss — losing friends, losing connections — and how those experiences revealed something deeper:
How often we perform to be liked.
How we shape ourselves to fit into spaces.
And how, even then, people can still leave.
So I chose something different.
Authenticity.
Finding Purpose in Creating
Before this, life felt repetitive — work, home, sleep, repeat. Weekends were spent resting, watching TV, and doing chores. But creating videos has given me a sense of purpose. It’s helped me step outside that routine and do something that feels meaningful. When I watch my videos back, I see growth. I see someone who is trying, who is learning, and who is becoming more comfortable in her own skin.
I’ve even started embracing the small things about myself — my hand gestures, the way I speak, the little mannerisms I used to overthink. That’s just who I am, and for the first time, I’m okay with that.
Before this, life felt like a loop:
Work.
Home.
Sleep.
Repeat.
Weekends spent resting, doing chores, watching TV.
But now, creating videos has given me something more.
A sense of purpose.
A sense of movement.
Something that reminds me I’m not just existing — I’m living.
When I watch my own videos back, I don’t see perfection.
I see growth.
I see someone who is trying.
And for the first time, I can honestly say —
I’m proud of her.
Becoming More Myself
I’ve started noticing the little things about myself:
The way I use my hands when I talk.
The way I say “I think” over and over.
The way I stumble, pause, ramble.
And instead of criticizing it…
I’ve started embracing it.
Because that’s me.
No performance.
No filter.
No pretending.
Just real.
And that’s the message I want to share:
It’s okay to be yourself.
Planting Seeds for the Future
Looking ahead, I don’t know exactly what my life will look like in five or ten years. Maybe I’ll be living in the Philippines, building a simple life, starting a small farm, or traveling the world. Maybe I’ll still be practicing as a nurse practitioner part-time or exploring something new like authenticity coaching.
I don’t have all the answers, but I know I’m planting seeds. YouTube has become a starting point — a way for me to move toward the life I envision, even if it doesn’t unfold exactly as planned.
Maybe five or ten years from now, my life will look completely different.
Maybe I’ll be living in the Philippines —
running a small farm, growing my own food, living simply.
Maybe I’ll be traveling.
Maybe I’ll still be creating.
Maybe I’ll be working part-time as a nurse practitioner…
or building something new as an authenticity coach.
I don’t know exactly how it will all unfold.
But I do know this:
I’m planting seeds.
Through YouTube.
Through reflection.
Through choosing to show up.
And even if things don’t go exactly as planned —
I’m open.
Closing: Real Life, As It Is
Right now, I’m just sitting at my desk, eating leftover beef nilaga for breakfast — a very Filipino way to start the day — with life happening all around me in real time. It’s not perfect, it’s not polished, but it’s real.
And I think that’s the beauty of it.
Thank you for listening to my rambles 🤍
— Jasmine
Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner 
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