Good afternoon, everyone.
Today’s lunchtime diary feels a little more grounded, a little more honest, and maybe a little softer than usual. I’ve been showing up a lot more lately—posting, reflecting, sharing—and at the same time, I’m still in this waiting season. I’m still not monetized on YouTube, still stuck in the AdSense portion, still refreshing my phone more times than I’d like to admit.
And if I’m being real… that waiting has been teaching me something.
The Word I’m Living By: Surrender
Lately, the word that keeps echoing in my life is surrender.
Not in a way that feels like giving up—but in a way that feels like releasing control. Letting go of the tight grip I tend to have on outcomes, timelines, and expectations. Learning how to exist without constantly trying to force things into place.
For me, surrender has looked like:
- Letting go of how people perceive me
- Letting go of needing validation
- Letting go of outcomes I can’t control
And instead, focusing on what I can control:
- How I show up
- How I treat myself
- How honest and authentic I choose to be
If I know I’m being real with myself… if I know I’m doing my best to grow… then there’s a sense of peace that comes with that. A quiet kind of contentment.
Feeling Lost… and Letting That Be Okay
There’s also something I’ve been sitting with lately:
I don’t fully know myself yet.
And that feeling? It’s uncomfortable. It feels like being in between versions of who I was and who I’m becoming. I have ideas—dreams of moving to the Philippines, living a slower, simpler life—but I’m not there yet.
And maybe… I’m not supposed to be.
Because right now, I’m here.
In San Francisco.
With a stable job.
With a life that, when I slow down enough to notice it… is actually really full.
Rediscovering What’s Right in Front of Me
Yesterday, I tried a Japanese restaurant right next to my apartment—for the first time.
Five years. I’ve lived here for over five years… and I never went.
And it hit me: how much of life have I been missing because I’ve been too busy surviving, healing, planning, and overthinking?
San Francisco is beautiful. It’s vibrant. It’s full of experiences I haven’t even touched yet. And here I am, dreaming of leaving—without fully embracing where I am.
So now, I’m choosing something different.
I’m choosing to explore this chapter.
To appreciate this version of my life.
To be present instead of always reaching for what’s next.
The Beauty of Slowing Down
For most of my life—37 years—I’ve been chasing something.
Goals. Stability. Healing. Love. Direction.
But I never really slowed down.
And now that I am… I’m realizing something important:
There is growth in the quiet.
There is clarity in stillness.
There is healing in simply being.
Yes, it can feel lonely.
I’ve lost friendships. I’ve outgrown people. There are moments where I feel the absence of what used to be.
But in that space, I’m also finding myself.
And maybe that’s the trade-off.
Learning to Be Seen—Even If It’s Not Returned
Today, I did something small but honest.
I texted a friend: “I miss you.”
No expectations. No guarantees of a response. Just truth.
And that’s part of this journey too—showing up as I am, expressing what I feel, even if it’s not received the way I hope.
Because at the end of the day, I know this:
I am still worthy.
I am still whole.
I am still enough—exactly as I am.
Trusting the Timing
The monetization will come.
The move will happen when it’s meant to.
The clarity will unfold.
I’m learning not to rush the process.
Because maybe this in-between season—the waiting, the uncertainty, the quiet—is exactly where I need to be.
Choosing Joy Anyway: Hawaii Bound
And in the middle of all this reflection… life is still happening.
I’m going to Hawaii this Saturday.
Yes, there’s a storm.
Yes, the beaches might not be perfect.
But you know what?
There’s still sun.
There’s still food.
There’s still space to rest, to breathe, to enjoy.
And that’s the energy I’m choosing—to make the most out of what is, instead of focusing on what isn’t.
Closing Reflection
Right now, I’m not trying to have all the answers.
I’m just trying to:
- Be present
- Be honest
- Be open
- Be me
Because maybe that is what alignment actually looks like.
Not perfection.
Not certainty.
Just authenticity… in real time.
Until the next lunchtime diary 🤍
Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner 
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