Day in the life of a Filipina Nurse Practitioner

Introduction
Good morning everyone. Happy Saturday. Today feels like a moment to pause and reflect on how this past week has unfolded. In my most recent post, I shared something that felt both honest and terrifying—those quiet but persistent whispers in my mind telling me I want to quit. They’ve been louder than usual, clearer than I expected. And if I’m being honest, part of me hesitated to share that. I worried about disappointing people—my family, my friends, even my patients. There’s a fear that by saying these thoughts out loud, I might somehow diminish the trust or image others have of me.

The Pressure of Being “Perfect” in Healthcare
As a primary care provider, there’s often this unspoken expectation that we are the ones who “know better.” That we are composed, certain, and unwavering. That we are role models of health in every sense. But what I’ve been realizing more deeply—both in my practice and within myself—is that healthcare providers are human too. This is me embracing that truth. Beyond being a nurse practitioner, I am also a sister, a daughter, a friend. I am someone who feels deeply, who questions, who struggles. And lately, I’ve been allowing myself to sit with a difficult question: Is this path still aligned with who I am becoming?

Questioning My Path Without Losing My Purpose
There’s a part of me that wonders if this questioning is rooted in fear—fear of disappointing others after working so hard to get here. I’ve built something meaningful. I see the impact I have on my patients. I see how being present, listening, and sharing my humanity allows them to feel seen. And in those moments, I’m reminded why I chose this path. But I’m also learning that two truths can exist at once: I can love what I do and still feel uncertain. I can be proud of my journey and still question where it’s leading me next.

Redefining Worth and Letting Go of Constant Proof
I think one of the deepest struggles I’ve faced is this need to constantly prove my worth. That belief led me to some of my darkest moments—questioning whether I was ever “enough” without external validation. But something is shifting now. I’m beginning to understand that my worth isn’t something I have to earn over and over again. It simply exists. And sharing that realization—with my patients, through my videos, and here in this space—feels incredibly important. Because I know what it feels like to think you’re alone in those thoughts. And I’m realizing more and more that we never truly are.

Burnout, Reality, and Responsibility
The truth is, part of what I’m feeling is burnout. And I know I’m not alone in that—especially in healthcare. There’s a constant expectation to care for others, often at the expense of caring for ourselves. And while the thought of quitting surfaces often, the reality is more complex. I can’t simply walk away right now. There are responsibilities I have to consider, including the $60,000 in student loans I took on to get here. When I ask myself if it was worth it, my answer is still yes. Every experience, every lesson, every opportunity—it shaped me into who I am today. And with 12 more months toward loan forgiveness, I know this chapter isn’t quite finished yet.

The Immigrant Story and Self-Made Path
Growing up in a Filipino household, practicality was everything. I watched my mom give so much of herself to support family back home, and I didn’t always have the financial safety net others might have had. I carved my own path—through scholarships, hard work, and yes, loans. Choosing to pursue higher education, especially at a place like UC Berkeley, was a leap of faith. And looking back, I’m proud that I took it. It wasn’t easy, but it was mine.

Where the Burnout Really Comes From
What I’m beginning to understand is that my burnout isn’t coming from my patients—it’s coming from the system. From the time constraints, the business side of healthcare, the pressure to do more in less time. Visits that once allowed space for connection now feel rushed. And when patients come in with complex stories, layered with emotional and physical needs, I feel the weight of not being able to fully show up the way I want to. That’s where the tension lives for me.

Choosing to Stay—for Now
So no, I’m not quitting right now. But I am listening to myself. Maybe “quitting” isn’t even the right word—maybe it’s about transitioning. About slowly moving toward a life that feels more aligned, more intentional, more me. For now, I’m choosing to stay. I’m choosing to give myself these next 12 months—to grow, to learn, to pay off my loans, and to see if I can find balance within where I am.

Looking Ahead with Honesty and Hope
I don’t know exactly what the next year will look like. My thoughts and feelings may evolve. But what I do know is that I want to continue showing up authentically. I want to continue sharing my story, not because I have everything figured out, but because I don’t. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe the purpose isn’t perfection—it’s honesty.

This is my journey. This is me choosing to be real, even when it’s uncomfortable. And if anything I’ve shared resonates with you, I hope it reminds you that you’re not alone either.

Thank you for being here.