I Lost Friends But Found Myself | My Raw Journey to Authentic Living at 37
Good morning, everyone. It’s me, Jazz—welcome to my vlog, my reflections, my journey of living with authenticity. Lately, I’ve been really intentional with creating and sharing my videos. I know I’ve been posting twice a day, and while that’s been exciting, I’m slowly transitioning into something more sustainable—posting content that feels present, real, and aligned with the day it’s created. For now, I do have videos scheduled through November 7th, so I’ll continue sharing consistently until then. After that, I’m hoping to shift into one meaningful video a day—something more grounded, more intentional.
I just want to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you for watching, for listening, for staying until the end. Thank you for holding space for my thoughts and reflections. I checked today, and I’m currently at 401 confirmed watch hours, with a total of 563 so far. I still have a long way to go, but seeing that progress reminds me that people are watching, people are listening—even to the most raw and unedited parts of me. That means everything.
A lot of my content is unfiltered. It’s real. It’s me talking through life as I’m living it. And I’m so grateful for those of you who see the beauty in that authenticity. As I continue toward my goals, not just in numbers but in purpose, I hope to keep showing what it truly means—for me—to live authentically.
These reflections have become a mirror. I’m seeing myself in ways I never allowed before. I catch glimpses of this version of me and think, where have you been? Why did it take so long to appreciate the simplicity of just being me? My truth, my voice, my presence—it’s always been enough. But for so long, I let the people around me influence how I saw myself, how I moved through the world, and what I believed I deserved.
Since I started this journey back in May and June, something shifted. I’m 37 now, and I’ve reached a point where I want to live life on my own terms. Not based on expectations, not based on approval—but based on what feels right for me. And with that shift has come change… including losing people.
It’s a painful but honest part of growth. I’ve seen it not just in my own life, but in my patients too—people in their 30s feeling alone, disconnected, like everyone else has moved on. And while life naturally pulls us in different directions, I’m learning that we still have a choice in who we invest our time and energy into. We get to build our own community—the kind that feels aligned, supportive, and real.
I’ve also been reflecting on past relationships, including a falling out with someone who was both a friend and a colleague. That experience was hard to move on from. But now I see it differently—it happened because it needed to. I may have opened up to the wrong person, but that doesn’t make my openness wrong. That’s who I am. I am someone who shares, who feels deeply, who leads with vulnerability. And I’m proud of that.
Even if those parts of me were shared with someone who is no longer in my life, it doesn’t take away from the power of my story. My experiences, my struggles, my growth—they all have purpose. And if sharing them helps even one person feel seen or understood, then it was worth it.
There’s still fear sometimes. The “what ifs.” The possibility of things being exposed or misunderstood. But I’m learning to let go of what I can’t control. I made my choices. I spoke my truth. And now, I move forward.
Yes, there are moments of loneliness. Moments where I feel the absence of people I once had close. But I’m also deeply grateful—for those who are still here, for those who were there when I needed them, and even for those who may no longer be present but still hold a place in my heart. And more importantly, I’m learning to be there for myself.
This journey has shown me that I don’t need external validation to feel whole. For so long, I poured into others, trying to make them happy, trying to prove my worth. And in doing so, I forgot to pour into me. Now, I’m choosing differently. I’m choosing myself.
It might sound harsh to say I don’t care what people think anymore—but the truth is, I cared deeply for 37 years. And people still left. So now, I’m shifting that energy inward. I’m focusing on my dreams, my voice, my purpose.
These videos may not be perfect. They’re not scripted, not polished—but they’re real. They are pieces of my life, captured in real time. And every time I speak, every time I share, I’m reminding myself that my voice matters.
To those of you watching—thank you for giving me that space. Thank you for allowing me to be heard.
I’d love to hear from you too. What makes you stay? What resonates with you? Are these reflections helping you understand yourself a little more? Because while I’m doing this for me, I also hope it’s creating a space where others feel less alone.
I’m growing. I can feel it. I’m discovering parts of myself I never fully acknowledged before. And even though there’s still self-doubt, still moments of questioning whether I make sense or whether this is reaching anyone—I remind myself that this is part of the process.
This is the beauty of becoming.
Even in the loneliness. Even in the uncertainty.
I’m learning to embrace all of it.
And I’m proud of myself for showing up anyway.
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