Returning to the Trail That Held Me Together | My Healing Journey Through the Berkeley Fire Trail
There are places in life that quietly become part of our story. They are not just locations on a map, but witnesses to our heartbreak, our healing, and our transformation. Today, I returned to one of those places—my favorite hike in the East Bay, the Berkeley Fire Trail. It has been two or three years since I last walked this trail, yet the moment my feet touched the familiar dirt path, it felt like I had never truly left. During one of the darkest chapters of my life, this trail became my refuge. It listened without judgment when I had no words left. It welcomed me when I felt like I no longer belonged anywhere. Today, I came back not as the broken version of myself who wandered these hills searching for answers, but as someone who has survived, grown, and finally learned to love herself.
During the COVID years, my world felt like it was falling apart. I experienced my first truly devastating heartbreak after the end of a four-year relationship with someone I genuinely believed would be my life partner. Losing that relationship felt like losing the future I had imagined for myself. I remember hiking these trails carrying emotions that were almost too heavy to bear. Every uphill climb mirrored the emotional mountain I was trying so desperately to overcome. I cried beneath these trees. I questioned my worth. I wondered if life would ever feel light again. Yet somehow, this trail never asked me to be anything other than exactly who I was. It simply allowed me to exist. The trees stood tall around me, Strawberry Creek continued flowing beside the path, and nature reminded me that life continues moving forward even after the hardest seasons.
Walking here again today was emotional in a way I never expected. I thought I was simply coming back for a hike, but instead I found myself returning to an old version of me. The difference is that this time, I could finally see how much I’ve changed. I am happier. I am stronger. I am more confident. Most importantly, I genuinely love myself in ways I never knew were possible. I am no longer searching for someone else to validate my worth because I am finally learning to give that love to myself every single day. Returning to this trail felt like introducing the woman I have become to the place that once held the woman who almost gave up. It was my way of saying, “Look at me now. Thank you for helping me get here.”
There was something deeply healing about hiking alone again. It has been a long time since I gave myself this kind of uninterrupted space. As I climbed higher, the only sounds surrounding me were birds singing, leaves dancing in the wind, and the peaceful flow of Strawberry Creek below. It became another kind of sound bath—one that no meditation app could ever replicate. Every deep breath felt like an invitation to slow down, to let go of the stress that has been weighing on me over the past few weeks. Work has been challenging lately. Healthcare can be emotionally demanding, and there are expectations, metrics, and responsibilities that sometimes feel impossible to control. But nature reminded me of something I’ve been trying to practice every day: I cannot control everything that happens around me, but I can control how I respond. I can continue showing up. I can continue learning. I can continue becoming a better version of myself.
The climb itself reminded me that I’m definitely out of shape. Five minutes into the hike, I was already breathing heavily and laughing at myself. It was humbling, but also funny. Healing isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about allowing yourself to be human. Every step uphill became another reminder that growth is rarely comfortable, but it is always worth it.
As I reached one of my favorite viewpoints overlooking the Bay Area, I stopped for a long moment. In front of me stretched the San Francisco skyline, the Bay Bridge, the Golden Gate Bridge peeking through the distance, and the endless beauty of Northern California. I’ve always loved this view because it makes me feel incredibly small, yet somehow deeply connected to everything around me. Standing there, I realized that being small isn’t something to fear anymore. In this enormous world, I don’t need to be the loudest voice or have all the answers. I simply need to continue living authentically, loving deeply, and moving forward one step at a time.
Something unexpected happened while I was talking to the camera. I started crying. Completely unscripted. I hadn’t planned on becoming emotional, but gratitude has a way of opening parts of our hearts we don’t realize are still healing. I found myself thanking this trail for carrying me through one of the hardest periods of my life. Thanking the trees for standing beside me when I felt completely alone. Thanking the earth for reminding me that life continues, even after unimaginable pain. Thanking nature for giving me permission to simply exist when I didn’t know how to keep going. Those tears weren’t tears of sadness anymore. They were tears of gratitude. Tears of survival. Tears from someone who once felt completely lost but can now honestly say that life truly does get better.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned throughout this healing journey is that vulnerability is not weakness. Sharing my truth has become one of the most powerful forms of healing. Every video I create is not about perfection. It is not about pretending that life is always beautiful. It is about documenting the reality of what healing actually looks like. Sometimes healing is crying on top of a mountain. Sometimes healing is laughing at yourself because you’re already out of breath after five minutes. Sometimes healing is simply sitting quietly with a view and allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions come naturally. Those moments are real, and I never want to hide them.
I’ve also realized that my content has become a reflection of who I truly am. Some days I’m practicing yoga. Other days I’m hiking, cooking, traveling, or simply sharing honest conversations about life. It may seem random to some people, but together these moments tell the complete story of who I am. They represent my authentic self, and authenticity has become one of my greatest priorities. For so many years, I tried to fit into expectations and roles that never truly felt like me. Now, I simply want to live honestly.
After the hike, I met up with JR for Cajun seafood at Rockin Crawfish in Oakland, one of my favorite comfort meals. Before indulging, I laughed to myself because I had intentionally gone for a six-mile round-trip hike to “make room” for the feast. Life is all about balance, after all. Good food, meaningful friendships, movement, laughter, and quiet moments in nature all nourish different parts of who we are.
As I continue building this life, I am also thinking about my future. My long-term dream remains the same: one day practicing independently as a nurse practitioner and eventually creating a life where I have the freedom to build something that is truly my own. I still have about three and a quarter years before independent practice becomes possible, but I no longer see that timeline as something limiting. Life has already taught me that opportunities often arrive in ways we never expect. My job continues to teach me resilience, compassion, and growth every single day, and I’m learning to trust that every season has a purpose.
Looking back, the Berkeley Fire Trail was never just a hiking trail. It became a silent companion during one of the loneliest periods of my life. Today, it welcomed me back with open arms and reminded me just how far I’ve come. I left with a full heart, tired legs, and an overwhelming sense of gratitude. To anyone reading this who feels stuck in darkness right now, please know this: healing isn’t linear, and it certainly isn’t easy. But it is possible. Go outside. Sit beneath a tree. Listen to the wind. Let nature remind you that every season changes. You won’t feel this way forever. One day, you’ll return to the places that once held your pain and realize they now hold your strength.
Thank you for continuing to walk beside me through this healing journey. Thank you for giving me a space where I can be completely myself—raw, vulnerable, emotional, joyful, imperfect, and real. Your support means more than you know, and I hope that by sharing my story, you find permission to embrace your own.
#HealingJourney #SelfLove #NatureHeals #MentalWellness #Authenticity
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