Choosing to Exist | A Sunday Reset Through Yoga, Vulnerability, and Learning to Let Go
There are weekends that pass quietly, and then there are weekends that somehow change the way you see your life. This weekend felt like a reset—not because anything extraordinary happened, but because something inside me softened. For the first time in a long while, I allowed myself to stop chasing certainty and simply exist. Sunday became less about productivity and more about presence. I rolled out my yoga mat at home, took a deep breath, and reminded myself that I don’t have to have every answer today. I don’t have to know exactly where my life is headed. I only have to be here, in this moment, breathing, stretching, and showing up for myself.
Lately, anxiety has been louder than usual. Work has been stressful, expectations continue to grow, and healthcare has a way of reminding you every day that there is always more you could do. As a nurse practitioner, I care deeply about my patients and always want to provide the best care possible. Sometimes, despite giving everything I have, I still receive difficult feedback or encounter situations that make me question myself. Those moments used to consume me. I would replay conversations over and over, wondering what I could have done differently. Now, I’m slowly learning that while reflection is healthy, carrying unnecessary guilt is not. My responsibility is to continue learning, continue improving, and continue showing up with compassion. I cannot control every outcome, every patient encounter, or every metric placed before me. What I can control is my willingness to grow.
Yesterday’s hike through the Berkeley Fire Trail stayed with me long after I returned home. Revisiting the place that carried me through one of the darkest periods of my life gave me a different perspective. I realized that healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about being able to stand in the very place where you once felt broken and recognize the strength that quietly grew within you. That experience shifted something in my heart. When I woke up this morning, I knew I needed another moment of stillness before beginning another busy week. Yoga became my way of honoring that feeling. Every stretch reminded me that healing isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes healing is simply choosing to breathe when your mind wants to race.
One of the biggest realizations I’ve had recently is that my future doesn’t have to fit into one single version of success. For months, I’ve wrestled with the idea of eventually moving back to the Philippines. The thought has always been filled with excitement but also uncertainty. This weekend, however, I gained a little more clarity. I don’t think I want to leave the Bay Area behind completely. This place has become part of who I am. It was here that I slowly found my confidence. It was here that I learned to love myself. It was here that I finally stopped apologizing for existing exactly as I am. The Bay Area nurtured me during seasons when I felt completely lost. It became home in ways I never expected. Rather than choosing between two countries, I find myself dreaming about creating a life that allows both worlds to coexist. I can imagine spending part of my life continuing my work here while eventually building another chapter in the Philippines—a slower, simpler life shared with my family, especially my mom, while still remaining connected to the community and career that shaped me. I know that dream is still several years away, especially as I continue working toward independent practice as a nurse practitioner, but for the first time, the future feels exciting instead of overwhelming.
Another unexpected source of reflection came from watching The Odyssey. One lesson stayed with me throughout the day: even during seasons of darkness, we still have the ability to carry light. That light doesn’t have to be extraordinary. It doesn’t have to be loud or perfect. Sometimes simply existing authentically is enough. Sometimes choosing kindness when life feels difficult is enough. Sometimes allowing yourself to be seen despite your imperfections is enough. That lesson resonated deeply because it mirrors exactly what I’ve been trying to do through these videos and journal entries. I don’t create them because I believe I have everything figured out. I create them because I don’t. They are my way of documenting what healing actually looks like—messy, uncertain, emotional, hopeful, and incredibly human.
As I moved through today’s yoga practice, I found myself thinking about accountability. For much of my life, I placed tremendous pressure on myself to always make the right decision. Whenever I made mistakes, I carried them like permanent labels. Now I understand something different. Every mistake I’ve made has brought me here. Every difficult relationship, every friendship that changed, every disappointment, every heartbreak, every moment of uncertainty has become part of the person I’m still becoming. Accountability no longer means punishing myself. It means learning the lesson, forgiving myself, and continuing forward with greater wisdom than I had before.
That may be one of the greatest gifts this healing journey has given me: permission to be imperfect. I no longer need to pretend that I know exactly where my life is going. I no longer need to convince anyone—including myself—that I have everything together. I can openly admit that I’m still figuring things out. I can admit that I still feel lost sometimes. I can admit that anxiety still visits me. And somehow, acknowledging those truths has become incredibly freeing. The pressure I’ve carried for so many years has begun to feel lighter because I’m finally allowing myself to simply be human.
Authenticity has slowly become my greatest source of peace. When I started sharing these videos, I worried about how people might perceive me. Would they think I was too emotional? Too vulnerable? Too honest? Today, I realize that authenticity isn’t something I should apologize for. It is the very thing that has connected me with others. Every yoga session, every hike, every journal entry, every quiet reflection has become another invitation for people to know me exactly as I am. There is something deeply healing about no longer hiding pieces of yourself.
One of the most meaningful realizations from this journey is that I don’t have to walk through life alone anymore. For so many years, I believed I had to carry everything by myself. I thought strength meant silence. I thought vulnerability was weakness. Today, I know something completely different. Community heals. Friends heal. Honest conversations heal. The people who have stayed beside me continue to fill my cup in ways I never expected. They remind me that I am loved, even while I’m still growing. They remind me that I don’t have to earn belonging by being perfect.
As I often tell my own patients, asking for help isn’t a burden. It’s a gift. It gives the people who care about us the opportunity to love us in the ways we need most. Somewhere along this healing journey, I finally started believing those words for myself.
I’m also incredibly grateful for everyone who continues to support these videos. Whether you’re here because of yoga, hiking, cooking, nursing, travel, or simply because you’re also trying to heal, thank you. These videos aren’t performances. They’re my journal. They’re my therapy. They’re my reminder that my story matters even while it’s still being written. If my vulnerability helps even one person feel less alone, then sharing every imperfect moment has been worth it.
I’m slowly getting closer to joining a gym. I almost signed up today, but not quite. Maybe I’m waiting for the universe to give me a sign—or maybe I simply need to stop waiting and trust myself enough to begin. Healing has taught me that there rarely comes a perfect moment. Most of the beautiful things in life begin because we choose courage before we feel ready.
As I prepare for another workweek, I don’t feel completely free from stress. I don’t suddenly have every answer. But I do have something I didn’t always have: hope. Hope that every lesson is shaping me. Hope that every setback is preparing me. Hope that I can continue balancing my dreams of practicing independently, growing my online community, eventually dividing my life between the Bay Area and the Philippines, and continuing to build a life rooted in purpose rather than perfection.
This weekend reminded me that existing is enough. Breathing is enough. Trying is enough. Healing isn’t about arriving at some flawless version of myself. Healing is about waking up each day and choosing, again and again, to live authentically, love deeply, forgive myself often, and keep moving forward.
And honestly, I think that’s more than enough.
#HealingJourney #SelfLove #Yoga #MentalHealth #Authenticity
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