Today feels like the right day to finally begin documenting this chapter of my life. I’ve thought about starting a vlog or writing about my journey for a long time, but I kept waiting for the “perfect” moment. The truth is, there isn’t one. Life isn’t neatly packaged, and healing certainly doesn’t happen in a straight line. So instead of waiting until I have everything figured out, I’m choosing to begin exactly where I am.
Right now, I’m taking a step back from work. I’m currently on medical leave to focus on my mental and physical health, and while it wasn’t an easy decision to make, I’m beginning to understand that it was a necessary one. For so many years, I measured my worth by how much I could accomplish, how much I could give to others, and how much pressure I could withstand. Somewhere along the way, I forgot that taking care of myself wasn’t a reward to earn—it was a responsibility I owed myself.
This season has forced me to slow down, and slowing down has created space for reflection. I’ve been asking myself difficult questions that I never had time to consider before. Am I living the life that I truly want? Have I been making choices because they genuinely align with my values, or because they were the choices that made sense to everyone else? Where do I see myself one year from now? More importantly, who do I want to become?
One word keeps resurfacing in my mind over and over again: agency.
As I’ve gotten older—and no, I’m not that old, bitch. 😂—I’ve realized that the dreams we have in our twenties don’t always become the dreams we carry into our thirties. Growth changes us. Experience changes us. Pain definitely changes us. What once felt like the perfect path can slowly begin to feel like a path we simply continued walking because we didn’t know we had permission to choose another one.
When I look back, I recognize how incredibly fortunate I’ve been. I attended UC Berkeley, where I studied Economics and Political Economy. After graduating, I worked in the nonprofit sector because I genuinely wanted to make a positive impact in the communities I cared about. Eventually, that desire to help people led me to nursing school. At the time, nursing felt like the perfect marriage between science, service, and purpose.
For the past several years, I’ve worked as an ICU nurse, caring for patients during some of the most vulnerable moments of their lives. It has been one of the greatest privileges and one of the hardest experiences I’ve ever had. Working in critical care teaches you so much about humanity, resilience, grief, and hope. It also demands an enormous amount emotionally, mentally, and physically. While I don’t regret becoming a nurse, I have started realizing that helping people extends far beyond treating illness.
What has become increasingly important to me is empowering people with knowledge.
I don’t want to tell people what decisions they should make. I want people to understand enough that they can make informed decisions for themselves. I want them to feel capable, confident, and supported—not controlled. Health isn’t just about medicine. It’s about education, autonomy, and believing that you have the power to participate in your own well-being.
Maybe that’s why the idea of agency has become so personal to me.
During this period of healing, I’ve realized how deeply I value the ability to make my own choices. There have been moments in my life when I felt like other people were constantly defining what was “right” for me and what was “wrong.” When that happens long enough, you slowly begin questioning your own judgment. You start doubting yourself. You stop trusting your instincts because someone else always seems more certain than you are.
I’m learning that I don’t want to live like that anymore.
There is so much more to that story, and maybe one day I’ll share it. But for now, I simply want to remind myself of something that I think I’ve forgotten over the years:
I am smart.
I am strong.
I am capable.
I deserve to make decisions about my own life.
Those decisions may not always make sense to everyone else, but they don’t have to. This is my life, and I want to live it authentically—not according to someone else’s expectations, fears, or definition of success.
Healing has also taught me something unexpected: authenticity is often found in the smallest, most ordinary moments.
For me, one of those moments happened this morning while getting ready. Anyone who knows me knows that makeup has never really been my thing. If you asked my friends—or honestly, any of my ex-boyfriends—they’d probably laugh and tell you I can get ready in about five minutes. I’m definitely not someone who spends an hour contouring or watching makeup tutorials.
My routine is embarrassingly simple.
I use a BareMinerals tinted moisturizer instead of foundation, squeeze a little onto my fingers, and blend it in with my hands. No fancy brushes. No beauty blender. No complicated routine. Just enough to even out my skin, throw on a little color, and call it a day.
As I was doing that today, I realized it actually reflects the way I want to approach life moving forward.
No filters.
No pretending.
No trying to become someone I’m not.
Just showing up as myself.
Maybe that’s what this blog is going to become—a place where I can document what healing actually looks like. Not the Instagram version where everything is aesthetic and perfectly curated, but the messy, uncomfortable, funny, deeply human version. The version where some days I feel hopeful and motivated, and other days I wonder what I’m even doing. The version where recovery isn’t measured by productivity, but by how connected I feel to myself.
I’m beginning to understand that healing isn’t about returning to the person I used to be. It’s about discovering the person I’m becoming. Someone who values rest without guilt. Someone who listens to her own intuition. Someone who understands that vulnerability isn’t weakness, and that asking for help doesn’t erase strength. Someone who wants to use her experiences—not only as a nurse, but as a patient, a learner, and a human being—to help others reclaim their own sense of agency.
If you’re reading this and you’re in a season where you’re questioning everything, I hope you know you’re not alone. Maybe this chapter feels uncertain, but uncertainty also means possibility. Sometimes losing the life you thought you wanted is exactly what makes room for the life that fits you better.
This is just the beginning of my story. I don’t know exactly where this journey will lead, but for the first time in a long time, I’m allowing myself to be curious instead of afraid.
Thank you for being here.
Until next time.
#HealingJourney #MentalHealthRecovery #AuthenticLiving #SelfDiscovery #NewBeginnings
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