Lunchtime Diaries: Learning From Criticism, Choosing Growth, and Trusting the Journey

It’s another beautiful day to be gorgeous, stunning, amazing, and kind—not only to ourselves but to everyone we meet. Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome back to another Lunchtime Diary. Today, I needed this moment more than I realized. Sometimes the best thing we can do during a busy workday is step outside, breathe, touch the grass (maybe not when it’s wet!), and reflect on everything that’s been weighing on our hearts. That’s exactly what today is about.

For the past several days, I’ve been carrying around a heavy feeling after receiving patient feedback that honestly affected me more than I expected. Even before I officially saw the comments, I had already been overthinking every possible scenario, replaying patient encounters in my head, wondering what I could have done differently. When the feedback finally arrived, it confirmed some of the thoughts I’d already been wrestling with. I know there are moments where I could have communicated better. Maybe I was too enthusiastic with my medication recommendations. Maybe I could have delivered difficult news about a chronic condition with more gentleness or more patience. Those are valid lessons, and I’m willing to learn from them.

What makes this difficult isn’t the feedback itself—it’s how easy it is for one negative experience to drown out the hundreds of positive ones. As a nurse practitioner, I genuinely care about every patient I see. I want people to leave feeling heard, respected, and empowered to improve their health. Unfortunately, not every patient will agree with my recommendations, and not every patient will appreciate my approach. That’s simply the reality of healthcare. Logic tells me that one unhappy patient doesn’t define my abilities, but my heart still struggles with it because I’ve always been someone who wants to make everyone happy.

I know many healthcare providers understand this feeling. We spend years learning medicine, communication, empathy, and patient-centered care, yet sometimes the loudest voice becomes the one that points out what went wrong instead of everything that went right. It can be discouraging when patient satisfaction scores seem to reflect only the people motivated enough to complete surveys after a negative experience, while countless grateful patients quietly continue with their lives without leaving feedback. Those silent successes don’t always show up in the numbers, but they still matter.

Despite everything, today’s clinic reminded me why I chose this profession. Every patient I saw today left happy. Every conversation felt meaningful. Every opportunity to educate someone about their health reinforced that I truly enjoy primary care. This job has helped me discover a sense of purpose that I wasn’t always sure I would find. That’s why this feedback creates so much anxiety—it isn’t simply about one comment. It’s the fear that negative experiences could eventually affect my future in a career that I’m only just beginning to love.

Rather than allowing this experience to define me, I’m choosing to let it refine me. I’m planning to talk with colleagues who have practiced much longer than I have. They’ve undoubtedly experienced difficult patient encounters, disappointing surveys, and moments of self-doubt. I want to learn from their wisdom because experience teaches lessons that textbooks never can. Improvement doesn’t happen in isolation, and asking for help is one of the strongest things we can do as healthcare providers.

Outside of work, I’m reminded how important it is to continue building a life that aligns with who I truly am. My YouTube journey has become so much more than simply uploading videos. It’s become a space where I can document my growth, reflect honestly, and hopefully encourage others who are navigating their own careers, relationships, and personal healing. Thank you to everyone who continues supporting both of my channels. The Filipina Nurse Practitioner channel continues to grow, and my Authenticity Coach channel has also been gaining momentum. Watching those communities slowly expand reminds me that authenticity resonates with people.

I also appreciate everyone who has joined my memberships and Patreon community. There, I’m able to share a more complete version of myself while still respecting YouTube’s community guidelines on the public platform. Editing and blurring certain content isn’t about hiding who I am—it’s simply about ensuring I can continue reaching people while following platform policies. Those who support me through memberships allow me to continue creating, dreaming, and investing in the future I envision for myself.

That future continues to evolve. Some days I imagine balancing both worlds: practicing as a nurse practitioner while also teaching yoga, coaching authenticity, and creating content full-time. Other days I wonder whether life will eventually ask me to choose one path over the other. Whatever happens, I hope my future is built around authenticity, simplicity, freedom, and helping others live healthier, more intentional lives.

Yesterday, I filmed a yoga session during one of my breaks because the weather here in San Francisco has been absolutely beautiful. Ironically, the recording never saved. At first, I was disappointed, but maybe that moment wasn’t meant to become content. Maybe it simply needed to exist as a private reminder that I took time for myself. Not every beautiful moment needs to be captured. Some moments are valuable simply because we experienced them fully.

One of the things I’ve been reflecting on lately is how important it is to create a simple life. Living in the Bay Area has given me incredible opportunities, but it’s also reinforced how expensive and fast-paced life can be. My dream remains the same: continue saving income from YouTube and Patreon so that one day I can build a yoga retreat and bed-and-breakfast near the mountains outside Baguio in the Philippines. I imagine a peaceful place where people can reconnect with themselves through movement, mindfulness, and nature. At the same time, I’d also love to eventually own a modest home somewhere in the Bay Area—perhaps farther from the city where housing is a little more affordable. Big dreams often begin with very small, consistent steps.

Another area of life that’s been occupying my thoughts is my relationship. Lately I’ve found myself reflecting on what partnership should really feel like. Relationships should be built on mutual support, balance, and shared growth—not one person constantly giving while the other simply receives. These aren’t easy questions to ask, but they’re necessary ones. Growth sometimes requires uncomfortable honesty with ourselves before we can make healthy decisions for our future.

Today’s sunshine reminded me how healing simple moments can be. Walking outside during lunch, feeling the warmth, appreciating blue skies, laughing at myself, stretching, and simply existing helped quiet my mind, even if only briefly. Sometimes healing isn’t one grand breakthrough. Sometimes healing is five quiet minutes outside the office reminding yourself that one difficult email doesn’t erase years of hard work or define your worth.

To everyone who continues watching these videos, commenting, liking, sharing, and encouraging me—thank you. Your support means more than you probably realize. Every comment, every subscription, and every conversation reminds me that these diaries matter to someone. Whether this journey eventually leads me to continue practicing full-time as a nurse practitioner, teaching yoga, becoming an authenticity coach, or somehow combining all of those passions together, I’m grateful that you’re here walking this path with me.

As always, if you’re a healthcare provider, I’d love to hear how you cope with difficult patient feedback. If you’re a patient, I’d love to know what makes you feel truly heard by your healthcare provider. Those conversations help all of us become better.

For now, I’m choosing growth instead of perfection. I’m choosing kindness instead of self-criticism. I’m choosing to trust that one difficult chapter doesn’t determine the entire story.

It’s another beautiful day to be gorgeous, stunning, amazing, and kind—not only to ourselves but to others.

Have an amazing day, everyone.

Saturday Mornings, Yoga, and Choosing the Life That Feels Like Mine

Good morning, gorgeous.

Today is Saturday, and as I wrapped my hands around my warm cup of coffee before rolling out my yoga mat, I realized how much these quiet mornings have become sacred to me. They are no longer just part of my routine—they have become part of my healing. There was a time when weekends were simply an opportunity to catch up on chores or recover from another exhausting workweek. Now, they feel different. They feel intentional. They remind me that slowing down is not falling behind; it’s allowing myself the space to reconnect with who I really am.

This past week has been stressful. My mind has been racing with responsibilities, uncertainty, and the familiar habit of overthinking every little detail. Even something as simple as realizing I hadn’t been using my microphone correctly while filming my videos made me laugh. A year ago, I probably would have been frustrated with myself and worried about how imperfect the recordings were. Today, I simply smiled, adjusted the microphone, and moved on. Healing has taught me that not everything needs to be perfect to be meaningful. Sometimes the imperfections become part of the story, and perhaps that’s what makes it real.

As I settled onto my yoga mat this morning, I set a simple intention: to let go. I wanted to stretch not only my muscles but also my mind. I wanted to breathe deeply enough to release the tension that had quietly accumulated throughout the week. Sitting still, feeling grounded through my hips, inhaling slowly for five seconds, holding my breath, and gently exhaling reminded me that my body has been carrying far more than physical stress. It has been carrying months, even years, of emotional weight. Every stretch felt like an invitation to soften. Every breath reminded me that healing isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it looks like a quiet Saturday morning, an open window, and the willingness to simply be present.

I’ve noticed that yoga has become much more than exercise for me. It has become a conversation between my body and my mind. Every pose teaches me patience. Every balance reminds me that stability doesn’t come from never wobbling—it comes from learning how to recover when I do. Some mornings I feel strong. Other mornings my muscles ache, my balance disappears, and I laugh at myself when I almost fall over. Somehow, those imperfect moments have become my favorite part of the practice. They remind me that growth has never been about getting everything right. It’s about showing up anyway.

After yoga, real life called. The apartment needed cleaning because my roommate’s friend will be visiting next weekend. The car desperately needed washing after months of collecting dust. We had run out of toilet paper, so a grocery trip was unavoidable. Somewhere in between those ordinary errands, I found myself craving the food that always feels like home—grilled squid, steamed crab, fresh fish, and all the comforting flavors of Filipino cooking. It’s funny how healing has made me appreciate ordinary things again. Years ago, I might have rushed through these errands just to get them over with. Now I find joy in them. Cleaning my space feels like clearing my mind. Grocery shopping becomes an opportunity to nourish myself. Cooking reminds me of my family, my culture, and the simple pleasures that have always grounded me.

As I reflected throughout the morning, I also thought about this little community we’re building together online. Every comment, every message, every person who takes a few minutes to watch my videos reminds me that authenticity has a ripple effect. I started this YouTube channel because I wanted to document my healing journey. At first, I thought I needed to teach something profound or have all the answers. Now I realize that simply showing up honestly has been enough.

This channel has never been just about yoga.

It has never been just about mental health.

It has never been just about cooking, traveling, or documenting my day.

It’s about showing what healing actually looks like.

Sometimes healing looks like crying.

Sometimes it looks like laughing at yourself because you forgot to tie your hair before filming.

Sometimes it looks like sitting quietly with a cup of coffee while watching the morning sunlight come through the window.

And sometimes it looks like pressing “upload” even though you’re afraid of what people might think.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the past year is that authenticity creates freedom. For so much of my life, I lived inside invisible boxes that I didn’t even realize I had built. There was the box of being the high-achieving student, the responsible daughter, the dedicated ICU nurse, the nurse practitioner who always needed to have the answers. Those roles were meaningful, and I will always be grateful for the experiences they gave me. But somewhere along the way, I forgot that I was allowed to exist outside of those labels.

As I approach my thirty-eighth birthday, I feel something shifting inside me. Instead of asking, “What do people expect from me?” I’m asking, “What kind of life feels authentic to me?” That question has become the compass guiding every decision I make. I don’t want to spend the next decade living according to someone else’s definition of success. I want to build a life that reflects my own values—a life with room for quiet mornings, meaningful conversations, movement, creativity, travel, nature, and community.

I’ve also become much more protective of my energy. As an introvert, I used to think there was something wrong with me because social situations often left me feeling drained. I tried to force myself to be more outgoing, more available, more accommodating. Healing has taught me that there’s nothing wrong with needing solitude. There’s nothing wrong with choosing quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. My energy is precious, and I’ve learned that I don’t owe it to everyone. Instead, I want to invest it in people who bring peace, kindness, and mutual respect into my life.

Perhaps that’s why this community means so much to me. It isn’t built on pretending to be someone I’m not. It’s built on honesty. Every yoga session I share reminds people that you don’t have to be flexible to begin. Every reflection reminds people that it’s okay to still be figuring life out. Every ordinary moment I document says, “You don’t have to wait until your life is perfect before you start living it.”

As a nurse practitioner, I spend much of my professional life encouraging patients to take care of themselves. I talk about healthy habits, movement, nutrition, and sustainable weight management. One of the things I often tell my patients is that building muscle is one of the healthiest ways to support long-term health. It improves metabolism, protects our bones, and helps us maintain strength as we age. Today, I realized I need to continue taking my own advice. Yoga isn’t just something I recommend anymore—it’s becoming something I genuinely live. Every pose, every stretch, every moment on the mat is another way of telling myself, “You matter too.”

I know that not every video will go viral. I know there will be weeks when views are low, income is uncertain, and I’ll wonder whether this dream is realistic. But I also know something that I didn’t know a year ago.

Purpose isn’t measured by numbers.

Purpose is measured by impact.

If one person feels less alone after watching one of my videos, then this journey is already worth it.

https://www.patreon.com/itsmsjasssssss/posts/my-peaceful-yoga-164482766?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

I dream of the day when YouTube becomes more than just a creative outlet. I dream of creating enough financial freedom to build a peaceful home in the Philippines, a yoga retreat where people can slow down and reconnect with themselves, and perhaps even a small café where food, community, and conversation bring people together. Those dreams no longer feel impossible. They feel like seeds I’ve finally given myself permission to plant.

Whether they bloom next year or ten years from now doesn’t matter as much anymore.

What matters is that I’m finally living in alignment with the woman I’ve been becoming.

The woman who chooses peace over perfection.

The woman who honors her mental health as much as her physical health.

The woman who no longer apologizes for being quiet, emotional, or deeply reflective.

The woman who believes that authenticity isn’t something we perform—it’s something we practice.

So today, after yoga, after coffee, after cleaning the apartment and wandering through the grocery store dreaming about Filipino food, I’m ending this morning with gratitude.

Gratitude for my body that continues to heal.

Gratitude for my mind that continues to grow.

Gratitude for every single person who has chosen to walk alongside me on this journey.

And gratitude for the courage to keep showing up exactly as I am.

Because this is enough.

I am enough.

Today is another beautiful day to be gorgeous.

#HealingJourney #YogaLife #AuthenticLiving #SimpleLiving #SelfGrowth

July 3, 2026: One Year Later, I’m Finally Becoming the Person I Was Afraid to Be

Good morning, gorgeous.

Today is July 3, 2026, and as I sit here with my morning coffee after finishing another yoga session, I find myself reflecting on just how much life has changed over the past year. It’s funny because, on the surface, not much looks different. I’m still waking up early. I’m still making coffee. My apartment is still a little messy. I’m still talking to a camera by myself and rambling whenever thoughts come into my head. But internally, everything feels different.

One year ago, I was terrified.

I had just started uploading videos to YouTube, and every single upload felt like I was exposing a part of myself that I had spent years trying to hide. I remember overthinking every word I said, every pause, every awkward laugh, every moment where I stumbled over my sentences. I wanted everything to be polished because I believed that perfection was what people wanted to see.

Now I know better.

People don’t connect with perfection.

They connect with truth.

Looking back, I realize that YouTube has become far more than a creative outlet. It has become a mirror reflecting the person I’ve slowly been becoming throughout this healing journey. Every video documents another layer of fear falling away. Every vlog reminds me that authenticity isn’t something I discovered overnight. It’s something I practiced over and over again until it finally became my default.

When I first took medical leave because of my mental health, I genuinely thought my life had fallen apart. At the time, stepping away from work felt like failure. I questioned everything—my career, my purpose, even my identity. For so many years, I measured my worth by my productivity. I was the ICU nurse who always pushed through, the nurse practitioner who wanted to help everyone, the person who believed she had to keep giving until there was nothing left for herself.

Burnout forced me to ask a question I had avoided for years:

Who am I when I’m not constantly working?

That question changed everything.

It led me to yoga.

It led me to meditation.

It led me back to nature.

It led me back to my faith.

And somehow, it also led me here—sharing my ordinary life with thousands of people across the world.

Today, our little community has grown to nearly 3,800 people.

To someone else, that number might seem small.

To me, it feels extraordinary.

Three thousand eight hundred human beings have chosen to spend a few moments of their day listening to my reflections, practicing yoga with me, cooking alongside me, walking through San Francisco with me, and witnessing both my happiest moments and my hardest ones. That isn’t something I take lightly.

Every comment I read reminds me why I started.

Every message on Patreon reminds me that vulnerability creates connection.

Every person who tells me that one of my videos helped them through a difficult day reminds me that pain can be transformed into purpose.

When I think back to the darkest chapter of my life, I could never have imagined this version of me.

The woman who once questioned whether her story mattered is now building a community because she chose to tell it.

That realization fills me with gratitude.

I’ve also started allowing myself to dream again.

For a long time, I stopped dreaming because disappointment felt safer than hope. If I expected nothing, then nothing could hurt me.

Healing changed that.

Now I’m dreaming bigger than I ever have before.

One day, I want to receive the YouTube Gold Creator Award. I know I’m nowhere near one million subscribers yet, but every meaningful journey begins with believing something is possible before the evidence exists. Maybe that sounds unrealistic to some people, but I’ve learned that manifestations aren’t about pretending success is guaranteed. They’re about giving yourself permission to imagine a future that excites you enough to keep showing up today.

Whether that milestone takes five years or twenty, I know one thing for certain.

I don’t want to build a channel that simply chases views.

I want to build a community that changes lives.

That’s a much bigger dream.

As this platform continues to grow, I also hope people continue seeing every part of who I am.

Yes, I’ll keep sharing my yoga practice because movement has become one of the ways I reconnect with my body after years of anxiety taught me to disconnect from it.

I’ll also continue documenting my health journey as I become stronger physically. Joining a gym is one of my goals this year, not because I’m chasing a certain appearance, but because I want my physical health to reflect the same care I’ve finally learned to give my mental health. My healing has never been about looking a certain way. It’s about feeling capable, energized, and alive enough to fully experience the life I’m creating.

I’ll continue sharing simple recipes because cooking has become one of my greatest forms of therapy. There is something incredibly grounding about preparing food slowly, tasting familiar Filipino flavors, and remembering that nourishment is an act of self-love. Some people meditate by sitting quietly. I often meditate while chopping vegetables or stirring a pot on the stove.

I’ll continue filming my ordinary mornings, my walks, my messy apartment, and even the moments that don’t make for perfect content.

Because that’s real life.

And I never want to lose that.

Lately, I’ve found myself watching other creators who live slow, intentional lives. I don’t have Netflix or many streaming subscriptions anymore. Instead, I spend my free time watching people renovate old homes, build campgrounds, garden, travel, or simply document ordinary days. Those videos remind me that fulfillment doesn’t always come from luxury or excitement. Sometimes fulfillment comes from building something meaningful one small step at a time.

I see pieces of myself in those creators.

People figuring things out as they go.

People who don’t have all the answers.

People willing to begin before they feel ready.

That’s exactly how this YouTube journey has felt.

One imperfect video after another.

One honest conversation after another.

One ordinary day slowly becoming an extraordinary life.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I want my future to look like.

More than ever, I find myself dreaming about returning to the Philippines—not just to visit, but to build something meaningful there. I imagine a small yoga retreat surrounded by nature where people can disconnect from the noise of everyday life and reconnect with themselves. I imagine a cozy café where people can gather over coffee, meaningful conversations, and homemade food. I imagine growing vegetables in a garden, cooking meals from fresh ingredients, and creating a slower rhythm of life that prioritizes connection over productivity.

These dreams no longer feel like fantasies.

They feel like possibilities.

Perhaps the biggest lesson this past year has taught me is that authenticity is far more powerful than perfection.

There was a time when I apologized for being “too much.”

Too emotional.

Too sensitive.

Too talkative.

Too vulnerable.

Now I realize those very qualities are the reason this community exists.

People don’t subscribe because I have the perfect words.

They subscribe because I’m willing to say the imperfect ones.

They don’t stay because my life is flawless.

They stay because my life is honest.

I laugh too loudly.

I ramble.

I lose my train of thought.

I cry.

I celebrate little victories as though they’re monumental.

And honestly…

I hope I never stop.

Because somewhere along this journey, I stopped trying to become someone impressive.

Instead, I became someone authentic.

That feels like the greatest accomplishment of all.

So as I celebrate one year of creating videos, I’m not celebrating subscriber counts or watch hours as much as I’m celebrating courage.

The courage to begin.

The courage to keep going.

The courage to believe that one ordinary woman sharing her healing journey might help another person feel a little less alone.

Thank you for walking this path with me.

Thank you for seeing me—not as the polished version of who I thought I needed to become, but as the real Jasmine who is still learning, still healing, still dreaming, and still choosing to show up exactly as she is.

If this past year has taught me anything, it’s that authenticity isn’t something we achieve.

It’s something we choose.

Every single day.

Today is another beautiful day to be gorgeous.

And today, I’m choosing to keep dreaming.

#AuthenticLiving #HealingJourney #SimpleLiving #YogaLife #SelfGrowth

Good Morning, Beautiful Souls | A Gentle Wake-Up Yoga Session, Mindfulness, and Choosing to Begin Again

Good morning, beautiful souls, and happy Tuesday.

Today is our work-from-home day, and instead of rushing to get out of bed the moment my alarm went off, I decided to slow everything down. Before my feet touched the floor, before checking notifications, before thinking about emails or responsibilities, I wanted to dedicate a few quiet moments entirely to myself. This morning felt like the perfect opportunity to try something new—a gentle yoga session right in bed as I was waking up. It was actually my first time intentionally filming and sharing this part of my morning routine, and although it wasn’t perfect, I realized that’s exactly what made it beautiful.

As I was setting up the camera, I laughed to myself because we were all just barely waking up together. I wasn’t trying to create a polished fitness class or a perfectly curated wellness video. I simply wanted to invite you into a genuine moment of my morning—a slow beginning, a peaceful pause, and a reminder that caring for ourselves doesn’t have to be complicated.

Before starting, I opened my Calm app. I’m not sponsored by them or anything—I genuinely use it because I love the peaceful nature sounds and calming background music that help me settle into meditation and deep breathing. Those gentle sounds immediately transformed my bedroom into a little sanctuary, creating the perfect atmosphere to begin the day with intention instead of urgency.

Lying there, I couldn’t help but smile because this was such an honest representation of how I actually wake up every morning. One thing about me is that I’m definitely a side sleeper. I always have to cuddle something while I sleep, whether it’s a pillow or a blanket tucked close to me. I move around quite a bit during the night, but somehow I almost always wake up on my favorite side. It’s funny how our bodies naturally find comfort, and I wondered if everyone else has their own “favorite side” too. It’s one of those little details about ourselves that we rarely think about until we slow down enough to notice.

Rather than jumping straight into movement, I allowed myself to simply exist for a few moments. I laid still, taking slow, deep breaths as if I were gently waking every part of my body. There was something incredibly comforting about not feeling rushed. Instead of immediately thinking about everything waiting for me later in the day, I focused on the present moment. My breathing became slower. My shoulders relaxed. My mind began to quiet.

Those first few minutes became my meditation.

As I breathed deeply, I reflected on yesterday and prepared my heart for today. Every inhale felt like an invitation to welcome fresh energy, and every exhale became an opportunity to release lingering worries, stress, and overthinking. I reminded myself that each morning offers a brand-new beginning. No matter what happened yesterday, today belongs to me.

From there, I slowly moved into gentle stretches while remaining in bed. Beginning in a comfortable supine position, I stretched my fingers toward the ceiling and pointed my toes, allowing my entire body to wake up naturally. I extended my arms wide, almost like spreading my wings, rotating gently from side to side and bending each arm in turn. Every little movement released tension I didn’t even realize I had been carrying.

The satisfying cracks from my joints made me laugh because they reminded me just how much my body appreciated these simple movements. Stretch after stretch, I could literally feel stiffness melting away. Sometimes wellness isn’t about pushing ourselves through an intense workout. Sometimes it’s simply giving our bodies permission to move gently after hours of rest.

There was even one moment where I joked that I was almost falling back asleep because everything felt so peaceful. Honestly, that calmness reminded me how rarely we allow ourselves to wake up slowly. We’re so used to rushing through our mornings that we forget our bodies deserve gentleness too.

After finishing the lying-down stretches, I slowly transitioned into seated poses. Sitting upright felt like a symbolic shift from rest into readiness. My little companion wandered nearby, making the moment feel even more authentic and cozy. Life isn’t perfectly choreographed, and neither was this morning. It was simply real.

By the time I finished, about fifteen minutes had passed, and I felt noticeably different. My muscles felt looser. My breathing felt deeper. My thoughts felt lighter. More importantly, I felt present.

That is something I’ve been working so intentionally toward over the past year.

After the yoga came my favorite part of the morning—mindfulness and self-affirmations.

I sat quietly and reminded myself:

Today is a new day.

Today is another beautiful day to be gorgeous.

Today is another opportunity to be kind—not only to other people, but also to myself.

Those affirmations have become much more than just words. They are promises I make to myself every morning. They remind me that kindness begins within. That grace starts with how we speak to ourselves. That beauty isn’t something we earn—it’s something we choose to recognize within ourselves every single day.

From there, I prepared to move into the rest of my morning routine. Moisturizing my skin, making my coffee, enjoying those small rituals that remind me to slow down and appreciate the present moment. Self-care has never been about luxury for me. It’s about intentionality. It’s about treating myself with the same compassion I so easily give to everyone else.

As I sat there reflecting, I admitted something that felt important to say out loud.

This video isn’t perfect.

The camera angles aren’t perfect.

I’m trying something completely new.

There were awkward moments, little mistakes, and times when I wasn’t sure if I was saying the right thing.

But maybe that’s exactly the point.

So much of my healing journey has been learning to stop waiting until everything is perfect before allowing myself to be seen. Authenticity has become more meaningful than perfection. Every time I choose to show up exactly as I am, I grow a little stronger.

Yesterday was difficult.

Yesterday, I found myself overthinking again.

Those anxious thoughts have a way of becoming loud if I let them. They try to convince me to doubt myself, to question my progress, to focus on my flaws instead of my growth.

But today is different.

Today, I choose to quiet those thoughts.

Today, I choose to redirect my energy toward the things that are true.

I am resilient.

I am strong.

I am still here.

When I look back at everything life has placed in front of me—the unexpected roadblocks, the moments of uncertainty, the emotional challenges, the seasons where I questioned myself—I realize something remarkable.

I’m still walking.

I’m still growing.

I’m still choosing hope.

Even when life feels uncertain, I continue choosing the present moment. I continue choosing healing. I continue choosing joy wherever I can find it. That doesn’t mean every day is easy. It simply means I’ve learned that progress isn’t about never struggling—it’s about continuing to move forward despite the struggle.

Over the past year of sharing this healing journey online, one of the greatest gifts has been realizing that vulnerability creates connection. Every video, every journal entry, every honest conversation reminds me that none of us are alone. We all carry invisible battles. We all experience moments of doubt. We all deserve compassion.

If sharing my mornings, my reflections, my routines, and my imperfections helps even one person feel a little less alone, then every vulnerable moment has been worth it.

Sometimes existing is enough.

Sometimes simply showing up is enough.

Sometimes healing looks like taking one deep breath before getting out of bed.

And that’s okay.

As always, thank you for being here with me. Thank you for following along on this journey. Thank you for every kind comment, every like, every subscription, every message sharing your own stories. Your support has meant more than you know, and I’m grateful that we continue building this little community centered around authenticity, mindfulness, healing, and choosing ourselves every single day.

If today’s morning routine resonated with you, I hope you’ll continue sharing these moments with me. Help spread positivity. Help remind others that they are enough exactly as they are. Help create a space where people feel safe to embrace their imperfections and celebrate their own unique beauty.

Today is another beautiful day to be gorgeous.

Live in the present.

Live with intention.

Be kind to yourself.

Simply be.

Namaste.

Have a beautiful Tuesday, everyone.

Lunchtime Diaries: Choosing Alignment, Building Again, and Enjoying a Beautiful San Francisco Summer

Oh my goodness, what a beautiful day it has been. I honestly can’t remember the last time San Francisco felt this warm. I always laugh whenever I remember the quote often attributed to Mark Twain: “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.” While historians debate whether he actually said it, today certainly proves the opposite. Summer has finally arrived, and instead of fog, sweaters, and layers, we’re enjoying sunshine, blue skies, and temperatures warm enough to make me wish I had packed a bikini instead of my work clothes. It feels wonderful to step outside during my lunch break, soak up the sun, and simply breathe after a busy morning seeing patients. Sometimes these little lunchtime diary sessions become the best therapy, reminding me to slow down in the middle of an otherwise hectic day.

Today also marks something exciting that I’ve been looking forward to sharing. I officially reactivated my Filipina Nurse Practitioner Diaries account. It feels like reopening a chapter of my life that I intentionally paused while I focused on healing and rediscovering who I wanted to become—not only as a content creator but also as a healthcare provider and as a person. Starting over is humbling. Right now the account only has a handful of followers compared to the community I had previously built, but that’s okay. Growth rarely happens overnight, and I know from experience that rebuilding something meaningful takes patience. One video is already live, and while it has only reached a small audience so far, I know consistency matters more than immediate numbers. If I continue showing up authentically, the community that is meant to find me eventually will.

Looking back, it’s amazing how much my online journey has evolved. Having two monetized YouTube channels still feels surreal. My healing and yoga content continues to grow, even though one channel is currently paused and won’t return until September. In the meantime, Patreon has become a wonderful place where I can share more personal and creative sides of myself. It’s a space where I feel comfortable expressing more of my personality and offering supporters early access, behind-the-scenes moments, and content that simply doesn’t fit within YouTube’s guidelines. I’m incredibly grateful for everyone who has chosen to support my work because it reminds me that authenticity creates connection. Whether someone follows me for yoga, my nursing career, my healing journey, or simply because they enjoy listening to my reflections, I’m thankful for every single person who chooses to spend a few minutes with me.

Lately, I’ve noticed a quiet confidence growing inside me. It isn’t loud or performative. It isn’t about pretending to have everything figured out. Instead, it’s the kind of confidence that comes from surviving difficult seasons and realizing that I’m capable of carrying myself through uncertainty. Healing has changed me. It has taught me that I don’t need to chase every relationship or convince people to stay in my life. That realization became especially clear after recently reaching out to someone I still deeply care about.

Yesterday I reflected on this friendship, and today’s thoughts feel very similar. I truly appreciated reconnecting during Pride Month, and I’ll always treasure the role he played in my life. But I’m beginning to understand that appreciating someone doesn’t necessarily mean forcing the friendship to continue exactly as it once did. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us something, to walk beside us for a season, and then to continue on their own journey. I don’t think either of us has done anything wrong. I simply think the timing isn’t aligned.

As I’ve grown older, my priorities have shifted dramatically. I’m no longer interested in relationships that leave me questioning my worth or wondering where I stand. I want friendships that feel reciprocal, intentional, and emotionally safe. I want conversations that go beyond surface-level updates. I want people who choose each other consistently instead of only when it’s convenient. Most importantly, I’ve learned that my peace is valuable. I no longer want to sacrifice my emotional well-being just to preserve a connection that isn’t naturally flowing.

For so much of my life, I stayed quiet to keep the peace. I minimized my feelings, ignored my intuition, and convinced myself that asking for less was somehow easier than asking for what I truly needed. Healing has given me my voice back. These days, I’m learning to use it—not aggressively, but honestly. If something feels misaligned, I’m finally allowing myself to acknowledge it instead of pretending everything is fine. That’s one of the greatest gifts this journey has given me.

Of course, letting go isn’t always easy. Anxiety and overthinking still visit me regularly. The difference now is that they no longer get to make my decisions. I notice them, acknowledge them, and then gently redirect my attention back to the present moment. Yoga, Pilates, journaling, and mindfulness have become daily reminders that I don’t need to control every outcome. Sometimes the healthiest thing I can do is surrender.

That lesson has also been showing up in my professional life as a nurse practitioner. Recently, I found myself replaying an encounter with a patient who wasn’t happy with how I communicated about a chronic condition. Initially, I did what I’ve always done—I overanalyzed every word, every decision, and every possible thing I could have done differently. But eventually I realized something important. One difficult encounter does not erase the countless meaningful interactions I’ve had with patients who appreciate my thoroughness, compassion, and proactive approach to their care.

Medicine is deeply human. Every patient comes with unique expectations, emotions, fears, and experiences. Some days communication lands exactly as intended, while other days it doesn’t. That doesn’t mean I stop learning. It simply means I continue growing. I can improve my delivery. I can become an even better clinician. But I don’t need to carry guilt that serves no purpose. Growth requires reflection, not self-punishment.

Perhaps that’s why I’ve been craving another reset. Thankfully, one is already on the horizon. In August, I’ll finally be traveling to Japan with my family for two weeks. The thought of stepping away from work, immersing myself in a different culture, enjoying incredible food, and simply existing without constantly thinking about productivity sounds exactly like what my mind needs. I know those two weeks will help refill my cup before returning to the responsibilities of work and content creation.

In the meantime, I’m making a conscious effort to enjoy everyday life. This past weekend I went hiking with my partner and our sweet Dobby, and being surrounded by nature reminded me just how restorative simple moments can be. I’ve continued practicing yoga and Pilates, which remain some of the most grounding parts of my routine. Every stretch reminds me to soften. Every workout reminds me that healing isn’t only emotional—it’s physical too. My body has carried me through stress, grief, long workdays, and countless transitions. It deserves kindness and movement.

During lunch today I couldn’t help laughing at myself. I checked my phone to see the temperature, completely got distracted, started talking about camping, remembered Instagram, celebrated that one of my reels had reached around 10,000 views, and then completely forgot why I had picked up my phone in the first place. Moments later I finally remembered—I was checking the weather. Eighty-two degrees! In San Francisco! That almost feels unbelievable. No wonder everyone seemed happier outside today.

Seeing that Instagram reel gain traction reminded me why I started creating content in the first place. I don’t simply want views or numbers. I want to reach people who need encouragement to live authentically, prioritize their mental health, embrace healing, and understand that it’s okay to reinvent yourself. If even one person feels less alone after watching one of my videos, then every hour spent filming, editing, and sharing becomes worthwhile.

The warmth today also made me realize how much I miss spending time outdoors. I’ve been thinking about going camping for quite a while now. I’m not entirely sure whether I should try it with Dobby by ourselves or wait until I have company, but the idea of sleeping under the stars, waking up surrounded by trees, disconnecting from technology, and reconnecting with nature sounds incredibly healing. Nature has always had a way of quieting the noise in my mind.

Of course, life still requires balancing dreams with practical realities. I’d love to treat myself to a massage because my back has definitely been complaining lately, but I’m trying to stay disciplined financially. Every dollar saved brings me one step closer to another dream that means so much to me—building a home in the Philippines. It’s one of the long-term goals that continues to motivate me, reminding me that every sacrifice today contributes to something bigger tomorrow.

As I sat in the sunshine, eventually moving into the tiny patch of shade because it became almost too hot, I found myself smiling. Life isn’t perfect. There are friendships that remain uncertain. There are moments of anxiety, difficult patients, financial goals, and unanswered questions about the future. But there are also warm afternoons, meaningful work, family trips to look forward to, hikes with loved ones, a playful dog waiting for adventures, yoga mats waiting to be rolled out, and a growing community of people choosing to walk beside me through this healing journey.

For now, that’s more than enough.

So I’ll continue choosing peace over pressure, alignment over attachment, and authenticity over approval. I’ll continue trusting that what’s meant for me will never require me to abandon myself. I’ll keep creating, healing, moving my body, caring for my patients, loving the people who choose to stay, and embracing each beautiful day exactly as it comes.

Thank you for spending another lunchtime diary with me. Thank you for following my journey, supporting my content, and allowing me to share these honest reflections with you. Whether you’ve been here since the beginning or you’ve only recently found this little corner of the internet, I’m grateful you’re here.

Here’s to warm summer days, continued healing, and choosing ourselves—again and again.

Choosing Peace Over Control | Sunday Reflections, Yoga, Healing & Letting Go

Oh my goodness, it is so hot today. Summer has definitely arrived, and even with the heat, here I am rolling out my yoga mat, moving my body, stretching, breathing, and choosing to show up for myself. Sometimes that’s all we can do—simply show up. It is almost 4:00 in the afternoon on this quiet Sunday, and today has been one of those days where I decided to simply play things by ear instead of trying to force plans or control outcomes.

Earlier today, there was a possibility that I might reconnect with someone who was once a very important part of my life. Whether I call him a friend or a former friend is something I’m still trying to figure out. Life has a funny way of changing relationships, and sometimes people who once occupied significant chapters in our story slowly become part of our memories instead of our present. Throughout the day, I found myself wondering whether I should reach out, whether I should invest my energy into rebuilding that connection, or whether I should simply let life unfold naturally. As the hours passed and I didn’t hear from him, my answer quietly revealed itself.

Sometimes silence is an answer.

As much as I value him and appreciate every chapter we shared together, I don’t believe relationships should be forced. Timing matters just as much as intention. We both have our own lives, our own healing, our own priorities, and our own paths to walk. I truly am grateful that our paths crossed and that we shared meaningful memories together, including celebrating Pride Month, which reminded me how beautiful it is to see people living authentically and finding happiness in their own way.

And honestly, that’s what I want for him.

I want him to be genuinely happy, even if that happiness no longer includes me. That isn’t easy to say, especially after grieving the loss of a relationship that once meant so much. Healing has taught me that love and appreciation don’t always require possession or permanence. Sometimes loving someone means wishing them well from afar and accepting that not every relationship is meant to last forever. There is a quiet kind of freedom in letting people become who they need to become without trying to hold onto who they once were.

One lesson that continues to become clearer throughout this healing journey is learning to surrender control. Whenever things don’t happen according to my plans, I no longer see them as failures. Instead, I see them as gentle reminders that life is guiding me somewhere I’m not yet able to understand. If something is truly meant for me, it won’t require endless chasing, overthinking, or convincing. It will arrive with peace instead of anxiety.

That mindset hasn’t come easily. It has taken months of reflection, grieving, journaling, long walks, quiet mornings, and countless yoga and Pilates sessions where I’ve learned that every breath is an opportunity to begin again. Healing isn’t a destination that suddenly appears one morning. It’s a practice. It’s choosing yourself every single day, especially on the days when loneliness feels louder than hope.

There are still moments when solitude feels heavy. There are afternoons when the silence in my apartment seems endless, and there are evenings when I wonder what my future friendships and relationships will look like. But I’ve also discovered something beautiful about being alone. Solitude has become a place where I’ve learned who I am without constantly seeking validation from others. It has become the space where I rebuild my confidence, strengthen my resilience, and learn to trust myself again.

I’m incredibly thankful for every step I’ve taken toward becoming healthier—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Yoga and Pilates have become much more than exercise routines. They have become moving meditations that remind me to stay present, to listen to my body, and to treat myself with kindness instead of criticism. Every stretch reminds me that growth happens gradually. Every pose teaches patience. Every workout reminds me that strength isn’t always visible; sometimes it’s simply choosing not to give up.

Today’s session lasted about thirty minutes, and by the end of it I was completely exhausted—in the best possible way. It felt refreshing to move despite the heat. It also reminded me how close I am to taking another step in my wellness journey by finally joining a gym. Hopefully sometime within the next few weeks or maybe next month, I’ll be ready to make that commitment. I’m excited about continuing to build healthy habits that support both my body and my mind.

More than anything, I’m grateful for this community.

To everyone who has recently discovered my YouTube channel and decided to join me on this healing journey, thank you. Your comments, your encouragement, your presence, and even simply watching these videos remind me that none of us are truly alone. While this journey has often been filled with moments of loneliness and solitude, it has also introduced me to people who understand what it means to heal, to grow, and to keep moving forward despite uncertainty.

Knowing that someone out there is listening, watching, and walking alongside me is enough to remind me that there is beauty in vulnerability. Every video, every journal entry, every honest conversation is another small reminder that healing isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming authentic.

So here I am, continuing to live in the present moment. Continuing to choose courage over fear. Continuing to move forward despite anxiety, despite overthinking, and despite not always knowing what comes next. Every day, I’m learning to quiet the voice that tells me to worry about the future and instead listen to the one that gently reminds me to trust the process.

Life continues to unfold exactly as it should.

And maybe that’s enough.

Thank you for spending this Sunday with me, for joining me during this mini yoga and Pilates session, and for being part of this chapter of my healing journey. If you’ve enjoyed following along, please like, leave a comment, and subscribe to my YouTube channel. Every interaction helps these videos reach someone else who might also need a little reminder that healing is possible, growth is real, and hope is always worth holding onto.

Until next time, keep breathing, keep stretching, keep growing, and most importantly, keep moving forward.

#HealingJourney #YogaLife #PilatesPractice #FriendshipAndGrowth #ChoosePeace

A Peaceful Sunday in Nature: Healing, Hiking, and Finding My Happy Place

Good morning, everyone, and happy Sunday!

Today was one of those days that reminded me why I truly love living in the Bay Area. We spent the morning exploring one of the quieter neighborhoods in Belmont, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how peaceful it was. Even though the Bay Area is known for its busy cities, traffic, and high cost of living, there are still these hidden pockets of nature that feel like a completely different world. Standing there surrounded by tall trees, fresh air, and the sounds of birds singing made me realize just how much I crave this kind of environment. If I don’t eventually move to the Philippines in the future, I honestly think I would love to settle somewhere like this—a quieter part of the Bay Area where nature is just outside my front door. I can absolutely picture myself living here, waking up every morning with a cup of coffee before heading out for a walk on the trails.

The weather today was absolutely perfect. The sun was shining, there was a cool breeze flowing through the trees, and everything felt calm and peaceful. It honestly felt like another one of my favorite “ASMR sunbath” mornings where all you hear is the gentle whisper of the wind and birds singing in the distance. There’s something incredibly healing about letting the sun warm your skin while you’re surrounded by greenery. Nature has always had a way of slowing my thoughts down, and today was no exception. Sometimes the best therapy isn’t sitting inside a room—it’s simply walking outside, breathing fresh air, soaking up some vitamin D, and allowing yourself to exist in the present moment.

As someone who has spent years working as a nurse, I’ve learned that taking care of other people often comes naturally, but remembering to take care of yourself requires intention. During the COVID pandemic, when so many people were afraid to be around healthcare workers, hiking became one of my greatest escapes. I remember feeling isolated during that time, and the trails became my safe place. Nature never judged me, never avoided me, and never made me feel alone. Instead, it welcomed me with open arms every single time. Walking through the forests, climbing hills, and listening to the sounds around me gave me peace when life felt uncertain. Today’s hike brought back those memories and reminded me that healing isn’t always dramatic—sometimes it’s simply choosing to step outside.

One thing I’ve been working on lately is managing my anxiety and quieting my overthinking. Like many people, my mind sometimes races faster than I want it to. I’ve been practicing slowing down, taking deeper breaths, and reminding myself that not everything needs an immediate solution. Today’s hike was exactly what I needed. Every step along the trail felt like I was letting go of another anxious thought. Instead of worrying about tomorrow, I focused on the sounds around me—the rustling leaves, the birds, the breeze, and the peaceful silence between conversations. It’s amazing how our bodies naturally begin to relax when we spend time in places that genuinely bring us joy.

I also feel incredibly grateful to have such a thoughtful partner who always seems to find beautiful hiking spots that I probably never would have discovered on my own. Today’s trail surprised me almost immediately. We had only been walking for about fifteen or twenty minutes when I found myself completely amazed by how beautiful everything was. It felt like we had left the city behind and entered an entirely different world. Every turn revealed another scenic overlook, another peaceful grove of trees, or another breathtaking view.

Eventually we reached the lake, and it was absolutely stunning. The trail loops around the water, making it one of those hikes where the journey itself is the destination. The lake reflected the sky so beautifully, surrounded by native plants, wildflowers, and lush greenery. I couldn’t help but wonder whether people fish there. I jokingly asked if there were sea bass before quickly realizing that it’s a lake, not the ocean. Maybe lake bass? Honestly, I’m still learning! We even spotted little fish swimming in the water, quietly going about their day while we admired the scenery.

One of my favorite parts of today’s hike was simply stopping every so often to appreciate the views. There were gorgeous hillsides, wooden bridges, colorful wildflowers, and even adorable dogs enjoying the trails with their owners. We passed one particularly cute green doodle that immediately made me smile. Moments like those remind me how much happiness can come from the smallest things.

As we continued walking, I found myself imagining what life would be like if I actually lived nearby. Imagine having trails like these just outside your neighborhood. I joked that I’d probably become the fittest and sexiest version of myself because I’d be walking four times a day! Of course, reality quickly humbled me when I remembered that I currently live right next to a gym…and somehow still haven’t joined after saying I would for over a year. It’s funny how we always think a different environment will magically solve everything, when sometimes we simply need to take the first step ourselves.

The hike definitely challenged me physically. There were quite a few steep inclines that had me sweating almost immediately. By the end of some of those uphill sections, I was breathing hard and wondering how I had gotten so out of shape. It was a humbling reminder that I need to be more consistent with my fitness goals. Still, instead of criticizing myself, I chose to celebrate the fact that I showed up today. Progress doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from simply getting outside and moving your body. Whether it was three miles or closer to five by the time we explored every little side trail, I felt proud of finishing the entire loop.

One thing I love about hiking is that it’s never really about reaching the end. It’s about everything you experience along the way. Every conversation, every deep breath, every scenic overlook, every bird singing in the trees, every flower blooming along the path—they all become part of the memory. Life works the same way. We’re often so focused on our next goal that we forget to appreciate the journey that’s unfolding right in front of us.

As someone who shares my life on YouTube, I also wanted to thank everyone who continues to support my healing journey. Thank you for watching my videos, subscribing, liking, commenting, and encouraging me to keep creating. It honestly means so much to me. I’ve noticed our subscriber percentage slowly growing, and every single person who joins this little community motivates me to keep sharing more of my authentic life. I know many of you enjoy my yoga videos, my cooking adventures, and traveling with my mom, but I also want to show this side of myself—the girl who loves hiking, camping, exploring nature, and taking care of her mental health. English isn’t my first language, so thank you for always showing me kindness and patience. What you see is simply me being myself.

I also found myself getting excited thinking about my upcoming family trip to Japan. My mom, my brother, and I will be visiting my oldest brother, who is currently stationed in Okinawa with the Navy. I’m especially looking forward to spending quality time together and hopefully enjoying lots of incredibly fresh seafood since my brother loves fishing. Having something exciting to look forward to while also appreciating today reminded me that life is full of beautiful moments both big and small.

By the time we reached the end of the trail, I was completely drenched in sweat—but it felt amazing. There’s something deeply satisfying about earning your exhaustion through movement rather than spending the day sitting indoors. Of course, after all that hiking, my first thought was food. I couldn’t stop thinking about celebrating with an In-N-Out Double-Double and a strawberry milkshake. I think I definitely earned it today!

Looking back on this Sunday, I feel incredibly grateful. Grateful for my health, grateful for the sunshine, grateful for the beautiful Bay Area trails, grateful for the people I love, and grateful for another opportunity to heal both my mind and body. Nature continues to remind me that healing doesn’t happen overnight. It happens one step at a time, one deep breath at a time, and one peaceful walk at a time.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, lonely, or simply stuck, I encourage you to go outside. Find a park, a hiking trail, a beach, or even just a quiet neighborhood to walk through. Let yourself breathe. Listen to the birds. Feel the warmth of the sun. You may be surprised how much lighter your heart feels afterward.

Thank you so much for following along on my healing journey, my hiking journey, and my YouTube journey. I hope today’s adventure inspires you to spend a little more time outdoors and a little more time being kind to yourself.

Until next time, have a beautiful week, stay active, and remember that sometimes the journey itself is the greatest destination.

Happy Sunday!

#NatureHealing #SundayHike #BayAreaLife #MentalWellness #GratefulHeart

Choosing Myself Again

This afternoon felt like a gift.

Instead of staying indoors, I carried my yoga mat outside into our quiet little courtyard, surrounded by the bamboo grove. The gentle swaying of the bamboo in the wind created its own kind of music. The leaves rustled softly above me while patches of sunlight filtered through the branches, dancing across the ground. It was one of those moments that reminded me why I’ve fallen so deeply in love with mindfulness. Nature has a way of slowing everything down. It doesn’t ask anything from us except to be present. As I sat there listening to the wind and taking slow, deep breaths, I realized that peace isn’t always something we find—it is something we intentionally create.

The day had already been beautiful before I even stepped outside. This morning, I made myself one of my favorite Filipino breakfasts. Rice and longganisa may seem like a simple meal, but for me it carries so much more than flavor. Filipino food has always nourished more than my body—it nourishes my heart. Every bite reminds me of childhood, family gatherings, home, and especially my mom. Ever since she visited, I’ve definitely noticed that I’ve gained some weight. She spoiled me with home-cooked Filipino meals every day, and honestly, I don’t regret a single bite. Food has always been one of the ways my family expresses love. Today, I decided not to count calories or criticize myself for enjoying something that brings me comfort. Healing also means allowing ourselves moments of joy without attaching guilt to them. Some days we eat for fuel. Other days we eat for the soul. Today was for the soul.

As much as today has been peaceful, I can’t ignore that anxiety has been louder than usual lately. These past few weeks have challenged me emotionally. My mind has continued to search for answers about what comes next in my life. I’ve been thinking about where I truly belong, what kind of future I want to build, and what success actually means to me now that so much of my life has changed. For a long time, I believed my future would eventually lead me back to the Philippines permanently. I imagined slowing down, being closer to family, and creating a different kind of life. But lately, I’ve begun questioning whether that dream still fits the person I’ve become.

Living in the Bay Area has changed me in so many ways. It has allowed me to become the healthcare provider I always wished existed when I was younger. Every day, I have the privilege of serving patients in primary care and internal medicine, particularly within the LGBTQ+ community in the Castro. It’s a privilege I never take for granted. Lately, I’ve also been caring for more Filipino patients, which has been incredibly meaningful. There’s something special about hearing familiar accents, understanding cultural nuances without explanation, and seeing patients recommend me to their family members, friends, and coworkers. Moments like those remind me that trust is one of the greatest compliments a healthcare provider can receive.

Still, medicine is humbling.

No matter how much we care or how hard we try, there will always be moments when someone walks away feeling unheard or dissatisfied. Last week, I had a patient encounter that has stayed with me. We spent nearly an hour discussing a newly diagnosed chronic condition during what was originally scheduled as a twenty-minute appointment. I genuinely believed I was doing my best to educate, explain, and recommend evidence-based treatment before complications developed. My intention was to protect her future health, but intention doesn’t always translate into how our words are received. She later canceled her follow-up appointment with me, something I honestly expected after our conversation.

When I saw her name disappear from my schedule, I felt two emotions at the same time. Part of me felt relief because I no longer had to carry the anxiety of wondering how our next visit would go. The other part of me immediately began analyzing every detail of our previous conversation. Could I have slowed down? Could I have explained things differently? Could I have allowed more space for her emotions before discussing treatment options?

One of the most difficult parts of practicing medicine is accepting that we are always learning. Every patient teaches us something if we’re willing to listen. This experience reminded me that sometimes people don’t just need medical information—they need time to emotionally process what that information means for their lives. As much as I strive to practice evidence-based medicine, I also want to continue growing in the art of compassionate communication.

Outside of work, I’ve also been reflecting on relationships.

Recently, I reached out to someone I once considered one of my closest friends after our falling out. We’ve talked about possibly meeting this weekend, although nothing has been finalized. As I’ve waited for responses over the past several days, I’ve noticed something about myself. Waiting activates my anxiety. Silence becomes a canvas onto which my mind paints countless stories, most of which aren’t true. I’ve realized that uncertainty has always been one of my greatest emotional triggers.

At the same time, this experience has helped me question something even deeper.

Am I choosing myself?

It’s a simple question with a surprisingly complicated answer.

Part of me wants to reconnect because this person has shared so many important chapters of my life. They’ve witnessed milestones, heartbreaks, victories, and growth. But another part of me understands that history alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy friendship. I don’t owe anyone my peace simply because they were present during difficult seasons. Gratitude doesn’t require self-sacrifice.

I’ve also come to realize that closure isn’t something another person gives us.

Closure is something we choose.

Sometimes the absence of communication is already the answer. Sometimes the lack of effort speaks louder than words ever could. Whether we reconnect or not, I know I’ll be okay because I’ve spent the last several years learning how to stop abandoning myself in order to keep other people comfortable.

That may be one of the greatest lessons of my healing journey.

After reflecting, I returned to my yoga practice beneath the bamboo. The sounds of nature became my meditation. Every slow inhale reminded me that my nervous system deserved rest. Every exhale became an opportunity to release another layer of worry that I had been carrying throughout the week. Looking up through the trees while lying on my mat, I couldn’t help but smile. It was beautiful. The sky looked endless. The bamboo danced effortlessly with the wind. Nature wasn’t rushing anywhere, and for those moments, neither was I.

One realization kept returning to me throughout the practice.

Choosing myself has changed everything.

I’ve lost people along the way, and there are days when I still grieve those losses. But I’ve also gained something I never had before: myself. By stepping outside of the roles I thought I had to play, I’ve discovered parts of me that had been hidden for years. Building this YouTube channel has been lonely at times, but it has also been one of the bravest things I’ve ever done. It has taught me discipline, resilience, consistency, and courage. Most importantly, it has given me a voice.

For so much of my life, people only knew pieces of me. They knew the outgoing version. The funny one. The cheerful one who could light up a room. What they didn’t always see was the deeply reflective person underneath. The emotional person. The one who journals, meditates, questions life, and searches for meaning. There were seasons when I hid those parts of myself because I worried they would make people uncomfortable.

Not anymore.

The more authentic I’ve become, the clearer my relationships have become as well. I’ve learned who truly celebrates my growth and who only felt comfortable with the smaller version of me. I’ve also become more intentional about expressing gratitude to the friends who stayed during my darkest chapters. There was a time in my life when I genuinely didn’t know if I could keep going. Those who continued to see my light when I couldn’t see it myself helped carry me through that season. I will never forget that.

Today, though, something feels different.

I no longer see myself as someone waiting to be chosen.

I choose myself.

Every single day.

This healing journey has taught me that vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s courage. Every reflection I share, every yoga session I upload, every honest conversation I have with this community chips away at the shame I once carried. I’m no longer afraid of being seen. I’m no longer trying to fit into someone else’s expectations of who I should be.

This is who I am.

A nurse practitioner who deeply cares for her patients.

A Filipino immigrant balancing two places that both feel like home.

A yoga teacher finding peace one breath at a time.

A creator discovering that authenticity resonates more deeply than perfection ever could.

And someone who is finally learning that her worth has never depended on how many people choose to stay.

As this channel continues to grow, so do my dreams. I still hope to someday own a home here in the Bay Area while also building a peaceful yoga retreat in the mountains near my family’s hometown in the Philippines—a place where people can disconnect from the noise of everyday life and reconnect with themselves through movement, mindfulness, community, and nature. It feels like a distant dream, but so did becoming a nurse practitioner. So did starting this YouTube channel. So did believing I deserved peace.

One dream at a time.

One breath at a time.

One authentic step at a time.

Thank you for walking alongside me on this healing journey. Thank you for seeing value in these reflections, in the yoga sessions, and in the quiet moments that often teach us the most. Whether you’ve been here since the beginning or you’ve only recently found this little corner of the internet, I hope these words remind you that choosing yourself isn’t selfish. Sometimes it’s the most loving thing you can do.

Here’s to continuing to heal, continuing to grow, and continuing to become exactly who we were always meant to be.

July 11, 2026 — Choosing Peace, Choosing Purpose

Good morning.

Today is July 11, 2026, and it feels like another important milestone in my journey. Tomorrow I’ll finally be able to reactivate my original YouTube channel. I’m hopeful that this chapter will begin without any more copyright strikes or setbacks. It feels symbolic in many ways—a fresh start, another opportunity to continue creating without fear.

My voice is a little raspy this morning. I’m not sure if I’m coming down with something or if it’s just my usual early morning allergies and postnasal drip. Either way, coffee is definitely required today.

Do what makes you happy. Those words have become more than just a quote—they’ve become something I’m actively trying to live by.

The past couple of weeks have been incredibly stressful. My mind has been working overtime, and if you’ve been following my healing journey, you probably already know that overthinking has always been one of my biggest struggles.

One thing I’ve learned through therapy, meditation, mindfulness, and years of self-reflection is that my mind often tries to solve problems that don’t actually exist. I create “what if” scenarios about situations where I don’t even have all the information. My brain wants certainty, but life rarely offers certainty.

Even knowing this, it can still be difficult to escape those thoughts.

Lately, though, I’ve been reminding myself of something important: I know my truth. I know my reality. Everything else is simply speculation.

That reminder has helped me slowly quiet my mind.

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I’ve also been questioning my career again.

As a nurse practitioner, I often ask myself whether this work is sustainable for me long term. Can I continue helping people without sacrificing parts of myself? Can I continue practicing medicine while staying authentic? Can I protect my own happiness while caring for others every day?

These aren’t easy questions.

Healthcare is rewarding, but it can also be emotionally exhausting. There are systems, bureaucracy, policies, and expectations that sometimes make it difficult to simply be human.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if there’s another path.

Ironically, one of the answers has been sitting right in front of me.

These videos.

Making videos has become one of the healthiest creative outlets I’ve ever had. It’s a space where I don’t have to perform. I don’t have to fit into anyone else’s expectations. I can simply exist, reflect, journal, teach yoga, share my thoughts, and hopefully help someone else feel a little less alone.

I’ve wanted to do this for years.

I’ve always believed in the power of storytelling. I believe journals matter. Reflections matter. Conversations matter. Meditation matters. Healing becomes easier when we realize we’re not the only ones walking through difficult seasons.

In the past, I was often discouraged from creating. Previous relationships made me second-guess whether sharing myself online was worthwhile. Even now, while I’m no longer being actively discouraged, I don’t always feel the level of support I secretly wish I had from friends or from my partner.

That can be lonely.

But healing has also taught me something else.

Sometimes the permission you’ve been waiting for has to come from yourself.

I’m proud that I finally took that chance.

---

Earlier this year, I talked a lot about opening my own medical practice.

As the months have passed, my perspective has shifted.

I’ve realized that I’m already living a life that younger me desperately needed to see.

Growing up, I wished there were healthcare providers who looked like me, understood me, and genuinely listened without judgment.

Today, I get to be that provider for someone else.

That’s an incredible privilege.

Would owning my own practice be amazing?

Absolutely.

It would allow me even more freedom to practice medicine authentically without so much bureaucracy.

But I’ve also realized something equally important.

My current workplace has actually been very supportive.

For the most part, I can still be myself.

I can still provide meaningful care.

That realization has made me question whether I need to rush into opening my own clinic or whether I should continue building experience where I am.

If everything goes according to plan, I’ll reach my three-year milestone this November. From there, I’ll qualify for the next stage of nurse practitioner practice requirements, bringing me one step closer to greater professional independence. After additional years of practice, I’ll be eligible to practice independently and potentially open my own clinic.

For now, maybe patience is also part of the journey.

---

Another realization that’s surprised me this year has nothing to do with medicine.

For years, I imagined eventually moving back to the Philippines permanently.

Lately, though, I’ve started wondering if that’s truly what I want.

The Bay Area has become home.

I’ve built a meaningful career here.

I’ve built community.

I’ve grown into the person I’ve become here.

The biggest obstacle has always been affordability. Buying property in the Bay Area feels almost impossible sometimes.

But for the first time, I’m beginning to see possibilities I never expected.

This little side hustle of creating videos has started generating income.

It’s still small.

I’m definitely not replacing my full-time career anytime soon.

But it’s real.

People are finding value in these reflections.

People are joining me for yoga.

People are choosing to support this journey.

That still amazes me.

---

As this creative community grows, I’ve started thinking about new ways to share.

Maybe I’ll begin offering live yoga sessions.

Maybe small paid classes.

Maybe more guided meditations.

I’ve also been sharing a little more through my memberships and Patreon, where I can be even more relaxed, playful, vulnerable, and unfiltered.

Creating has become so much more than a side hustle.

It’s become part of my healing.

---

This morning, I rolled out my yoga mat and spent twenty quiet minutes simply breathing.

No expectations.

No productivity.

No rushing.

Just movement.

Just presence.

Just reminding myself that my body deserves the same compassion I give everyone else.

By the end of the practice, I felt lighter.

Sometimes healing isn’t found in finding answers.

Sometimes it’s simply found in taking one slow breath after another.

---

If you’ve been following my journey over the past several years, you’ve probably noticed how much has changed.

I’ve spent years working through anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, burnout, heartbreak, and learning how to build a life that actually feels like my own. I’ve learned that healing isn’t linear. There are seasons where everything feels peaceful, and there are seasons where old fears return. But each time they do, I find myself responding with a little more compassion and a little less fear.

I’m no longer chasing a perfect life.

I’m chasing an authentic one.

---

Thank you for continuing to join me through these reflections.

Thank you for doing yoga with me.

Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day here.

Every comment, every kind message, every person who shares these videos reminds me that vulnerability has value.

If today’s reflection resonated with you, I’d love to hear how you’re doing.

What are you currently working through?

What dream have you finally decided to chase?

Please leave a comment, like the video, and subscribe if you’d like to continue walking alongside me on this journey. If you’d like even more behind-the-scenes moments, early access, and a more personal side of my life, you’re always welcome to join my memberships or Patreon.

I truly believe that we heal together.

---

My dream hasn’t changed.

I still hope to someday own a home here in California and another in the Philippines.

I still dream about creating a peaceful yoga retreat and Airbnb near my family’s hometown in the mountains, where the weather is cooler, life moves slower, and people can reconnect with themselves through movement, mindfulness, and nature.

Maybe one day.

For now, I’ll keep showing up.

One patient at a time.

One yoga session at a time.

One video at a time.

One breath at a time.

Thank you for seeing me.

I see you too.

Take care of yourself today.

Keep moving.

Keep breathing.

Keep existing.

And don’t be afraid to go after your dreams.

I’m finally going after mine.

Learning to Let Go, One Evening at a Time

July 8, 2026 | San Francisco, California

Good evening.

It’s almost eight o’clock, and I’m already getting ready for bed. I’ve always been someone who enjoys going to sleep early, especially after long workdays. There’s something comforting about ending the day quietly, without distractions, giving myself permission to simply breathe before tomorrow begins. Tonight felt like one of those nights where I needed to pause and check in with myself because, if I’m being honest, the anxiety has been louder than usual.

So here I am, lying in bed, taking slow, deep breaths, reminding myself that this daily reflection has become one of the healthiest habits I’ve built over the past year. It has become my way of releasing the things I cannot control before they follow me into my sleep.

Work has been incredibly busy lately.

As much as I truly love being a physician, healthcare has a way of asking so much from you. Every patient deserves to feel heard. Every patient arrives carrying their own fears, frustrations, and expectations, and I genuinely want to meet those expectations whenever I can. But the reality is that medicine isn’t always straightforward. There are limitations—limitations in time, resources, insurance, policies, and even in what our bodies are capable of healing.

Alongside caring for patients comes another layer of pressure: productivity metrics, documentation, inbox messages, administrative work, and the constant balancing act of trying to provide compassionate care while meeting organizational expectations. It can feel overwhelming.

A few days ago, during brunch with a friend, they asked me a simple question: “What’s the most stressful part of your job?”

I didn’t have to think very long.

The hardest part isn’t necessarily the medicine itself.

It’s carrying the emotional weight of wanting every patient to leave feeling cared for, even when I know I can’t always give them the answer they’re hoping for.

I know where that comes from.

I’ve always been a people pleaser.

Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that if someone was disappointed, upset, or unhappy, it must somehow mean I had failed them. So when a patient leaves frustrated—even if I’ve done everything medically appropriate—I still find myself replaying the encounter over and over in my mind.

Did I listen enough?

Did I explain things clearly?

Could I have said something differently?

Was there something I missed?

Recently, I had an encounter with a patient that stayed with me much longer than it probably should have. I took it personally. Looking back now, I realize I was measuring my worth by someone else’s reaction instead of by the quality of the care I provided.

That’s something I’m actively trying to unlearn.

If I know I’ve listened carefully, asked thoughtful questions, practiced evidence-based medicine, and treated someone with kindness and respect, then I have to trust that I did my job well. I cannot carry responsibility for things outside my control.

That’s easier said than done.

Healing has been teaching me that boundaries are not acts of selfishness—they’re acts of sustainability.

One of the biggest realizations I’ve had over the past year is that something interesting happens whenever I begin choosing myself.

People notice.

Not always in the way I expected.

When I spent years saying yes to everyone, putting everyone else’s needs before my own, and staying quiet to keep the peace, there always seemed to be people around me.

But the moment I started setting boundaries…

The moment I started expressing how I actually felt…

The moment I stopped apologizing for taking care of myself…

Some people quietly disappeared.

At first, that hurt.

I questioned myself.

Was I becoming too much?

Too difficult?

Too emotional?

Too unavailable?

But now I wonder if maybe those relationships were only sustainable when I was the one doing all the giving.

Healing has forced me to ask difficult questions.

Who celebrates me when I’m thriving?

Who stays when I’m struggling?

Who only reaches out when they need something?

Who creates space for me the same way I create space for them?

These aren’t easy questions because I genuinely love deeply. I become attached to people I’ve shared meaningful memories with. I value history. I value loyalty. I remember birthdays, milestones, conversations, road trips, inside jokes, and moments that shaped my life.

Sometimes I hold onto relationships simply because they were once beautiful.

But beautiful memories don’t automatically mean two people are meant to continue walking through every chapter of life together.

That’s another lesson I’m slowly accepting.

Lately, I’ve also been thinking about reconnecting with someone who was once incredibly important to me.

We’ve been exchanging messages again, but if I’m honest, the communication feels uncertain. Every conversation feels like I’m trying to decode what the other person means instead of simply understanding them. There’s hesitation, inconsistency, and a lack of clarity.

I’ve realized that clarity is something I value now.

When I think about reconnecting with someone, it isn’t simply about talking again.

It’s about understanding each other.

It’s about accountability.

It’s about creating space where both people can feel heard.

It’s about asking whether the relationship we’re rebuilding actually reflects who we’ve both become—not just who we used to be.

As much as I care about this person and as grateful as I am for the role they played during important chapters of my life, I also have to ask myself whether continuing to invest emotional energy into this relationship is healthy for me.

That’s a question only time can answer.

For now, I don’t want to force an outcome.

I’m learning that not every relationship has to fit neatly into a category. Not every friendship needs a permanent label. Some people walk beside us for years. Others only accompany us through one season before our paths naturally separate.

Maybe relationships aren’t meant to be held so tightly.

Maybe they’re meant to flow.

I’m trying to become someone who loves without clinging.

Someone who appreciates memories without becoming imprisoned by them.

Someone who can say thank you for what was while still making room for what could be.

Perhaps that’s what emotional freedom looks like.

One of the greatest gifts this past year has given me is learning how to live in the present.

For so much of my life, I lived everywhere except the present moment. I lived in regrets about the past. I lived in fears about the future. I lived trying to predict every possible outcome so I could avoid disappointment.

But anxiety has taught me something important.

The future has never asked me to solve it all tonight.

Tonight only asks me to breathe.

To rest.

To trust.

To remember that I’ve survived every difficult season before this one.

I think back to my healing journey in the Philippines earlier this year. That trip changed me in ways I’m still discovering. Gardening reminded me that growth takes patience. Yoga reminded me that my body deserves kindness instead of criticism. Time with my mom reminded me that healing relationships begins with simply showing up. Those quiet mornings, those long reflections, and those slow days helped me reconnect with the version of myself that had been buried beneath years of burnout, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.

I’m still carrying those lessons with me here in San Francisco.

I’m choosing to build a life that feels intentional instead of rushed.

I’m choosing health over perfection.

Presence over productivity.

Peace over performance.

And maybe that’s why this nightly reflection matters so much.

Before ending the day, I even laughed at myself because I bought a Brazil tank top thinking I’d be cheering them on during the tournament, only to realize they’re already out. Looks like I’ll be cheering for Norway or France instead. Sometimes life gives you little reminders not to take everything so seriously.

Not every reflection has to end with all the answers.

Sometimes it’s enough to simply acknowledge where you are.

Tonight, I’m anxious.

Tonight, I’m overthinking.

Tonight, I’m still figuring things out.

But tonight, I’m also grateful.

Grateful that I’ve learned to recognize my anxiety instead of letting it quietly control me.

Grateful that I have work that allows me to care for others.

Grateful that I’m finally learning how to care for myself with the same compassion I’ve always offered everyone else.

Tomorrow will come with its own challenges.

There will be more patients to see, more decisions to make, more opportunities to grow, and undoubtedly more moments where I’ll need to remind myself that I cannot control everything.

But for tonight, I’m letting it all go.

I’m choosing rest.

I’m choosing peace.

And I’m choosing to believe that becoming the person I’m meant to be happens one quiet evening, one deep breath, and one honest reflection at a time.